My Identity: A Child of God

Hearts at Home 2012

2012-02-09T08:13:00.000-06:00

Do you need to get your mom batteries recharged? Need some fresh perspective? Want to do something for yourself that will really benefit your family?

You’ll find that and more at one of the 2012 Hearts at Home conferences!

Keynote speakers Michelle Duggar and Focus on the Family’s Dr. Julianna Slattery, will partner up with over a dozen different workshop speakers to bring you the continuing education you need as a mom!

Check out some of the workshops offered this year:

Top Ten Messages You Want Your Kids to Get – Linda Anderson
Confessions of an Imperfect Mother – Julie Barnhill
Frumpy to Fabulous in 30 Days – Shari Braendel

Are You Living In Chaos?- Marla Cilley aka The Fly Lady
Practical Parenting Tips – Michelle Duggar
When Our Kids Make Decisions We Don’t Agree With – Brenda Garrison

What To Do When God Says “Wait” – Jami Kaeb
Get a Grip On Your Finances – Marianne Miller
Encouragement for Overworked Working Moms – Sabrina O’Malone

Tried and True Ways to Earn Money From Home – Marilee Parrish
The Smart Stepmom – Laura Petherbridge
Thriving As A Single Parent – Laura Petherbridge

Three Gifts of Sex – Lorraine Pintus
50 Ways to Improve Your Relationship With Your Husband – Marilee Parrish
Help Your Child Develop a Dating Philosophy – Jill Savage
You Don’t Have to Be Extreme to Save Money – Jill Savage

How To Fight For Your Marriage – Dr. Juli Slattery

The BEST VALUE REGISTRATION Deadline for the March 16-17 National Conference in Normal, IL, is February 15 (that’s Wednesday!)! You don’t want to miss this year’s conference…it promises to be an incredible weekend of life change.

Registration is also open for the two Fall conferences:

§ Western Conference, Colorado Springs, CO, October 12-13

§ North Central, Rochester, MN, November 9-10

If you live too far away to attend one of the events or you have a conflict or are nursing a baby and just can’t make it this year, check out the Conference-To-Go option.

Don’t delay…register today over at the Hearts at Home website.

(reposted from Jill Savage)

Just for Me? (Stronghold Castle 2012)

2012-02-02T15:22:00.001-06:00

Is it silly to believe God sends snow just for me? While this winter’s spring-like weather has been enjoyable, it can certainly threaten activities that need the white fluff. When our plan for a getaway weekend filled with sledding fun was threatened, pleads to God began to rise from our home to God’s throne. As I watched the snow fall heavier and longer, afterschool activities were canceled and traffic slowed, I knew sledding was still on the agenda. I believe God sent the snow just for me.

Our weekend getaway was an invitation from Rod’s aunt and uncle on their church retreat (Presbyterian Church in Orland Park). My husband, girls, and I packed up for our weekend of fun in the snow at Stronghold Castle in Oregon, Illinois. When we arrived at the castle, activities were already underway and everyone was getting ready to head out to the sledding hill. That first day always requires a bit of packing down the hill but sledding was still wonderful because God had sent this snow just for us!

We got in a bit of sledding before lunch and many were heading out again after the meal. My two youngest and I were some who stayed behind inside the castle. Without televisions or technology of any kind really, we rely on one another’s company as well as planned activities, board games and other materials to pass the time. When my middle daughter asked me to play a game of Chutes and Ladders followed by a game of Candyland, there were no distractions to succumb to. We played our games and then spent time filling a sticker book with my youngest. Looking around the room, it was a bit of an anomaly to witness groups gathered with crafts, board games, cards, books or activities of the like. People were relaxed and enjoying conversation without the distractions of everyday living.

We need more of this in our world throughout the year. I can’t help but get frustrated when the kids I pick up for a weekly commitment bring their PSP and I-Pod Touch for a 20-30 minute car ride. My mind simply cannot fathom why it is so difficult to communicate with friends, sing songs, tell jokes or exercise some creativity to pass the time. When exactly did we become so disconnected? I’m not against technology (this is a blog after all). I simply wonder when we decided it was acceptable to be attached to our cell phones more than each other. Why is it necessary to browse the internet while you’re in a group of people? And what exactly is so important that we have to text in the middle of a conversation?

Technology was supposed to help us better our lives. While in many ways it has, I think we all could benefit from taking a minute to stop and smell the roses. These past few days as the weather has returned to a confused state, I have walked with my youngest (at her pleadings) to pick up my other daughter from Kindergarten. Sure, it takes a little more time but my mind feels clearer, I’m moving my body and I wonder if my girls won’t just remember these moments when they have children of their own?

Stronghold was fun! Our family created lasting memories. We worshipped God with other believers. The rat race of life was set aside for a moment to remind us of what matters. A couple of days away from the humdrum of life pull my heart to return. But I don’t need to wait for a weekend getaway to create those moments. I simply have to be intentional at pushing aside the distractions and choosing what is important. I’m excited. After all, if God will send snow just for me, I can’t wait to see what He has in store for the future!

(One more thing... that snow that brought my daughter and husband home late from school and work on Friday melted away on Monday.)

“And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. You fathers—if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.” - Luke 11:9-13

A Must Read for Moms

2012-01-26T07:49:00.007-06:00

Hop over to (in)courage today. Author Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts) brought tears to my eyes. Her post, What a Parent Wants to Say Before a Child Leaves, is a must read for every parent.

She made me think about the short time I actually have left to raise my oldest before she heads off in this world. I found myself desiring to express the same message to my children. She eloquently shares her hopes and dreams for her son. I held my breath as though I was intruding on an intimate moment. These are what matter. Take a moment to read it. Then share your thoughts with me. I'll be mulling it over all day.

I Love IKEA

2012-01-19T10:20:00.000-06:00

It is time for the Hearts at Home blog hop again. Today’s topic is “Share some tips and hints of things you do around the home that make life easier”.

My first thought was I don’t do anything around my home. That certainly makes life easier! A friend of mine bought me a sign I have hanging up by my kitchen that reads “When I get the urge to clean house, I lay down ‘til it passes.” While this is somewhat true of my life, I also realize that my lack of housekeeping and organization adds a lot of stress to my life.

Many days when I feel as though I have lost complete control of my life, I will organize my kitchen pantry. It’s one of my favorite parts of our home because it is a large pantry and we can stockpile quite a bit in it. At the same time, I tend to throw things in without any organization on a daily basis. That’s when things start to feel a bit crazy. This simple act of reorganization allows me to feel like I accomplished something from start to finish and brings a little bit of sanity back into my day. (I think it is time to do this again soon!)

While there are many things that seem to get out-of-control in our home, there are two specifically where I feel we have made some progress. The first is in the area of toys. It was always difficult to ask the kids to pick up their toys when there was really no designated place for each item. As I went to the homes of different friends, I noticed that several of them utilized IKEA shelving to keep their toys in order. We purchased the large shelving unit from IKEA along with some bins from Target and the toys no longer seem to overtake our home (as often anyway). When I tell the children to put their toys away, they now know where they go.

Papers are the other item my family seems to be swimming in. We have three girls who love to draw and write. This along with school papers and my own mess can begin to overwhelm quickly. With a three bedroom home and three girls, we had some decisions to make on how to divvy up our space. The master suite is ours. That leaves us with two rooms between three girls. Our final decision was to have our girls living dormitory style. They share bunk beds in one room for sleeping. In the extra room, this Christmas, IKEA (or Santa) were very helpful in creating personal desk space for each girl to have. They are responsible for their own desk and are not to go into their sisters’ desks without permission. It’s only been a month but it has helped with the paper pile tremendously!

Although I tend to pride myself in my Italian heritage, I guess this post supports my husband’s pride in his Swedish heritage. Maybe there is something to be said for being Swedish. After all, IKEA has done wonders for my sanity!

The most important thing?

2012-01-18T09:42:00.002-06:00

“The most important thing for every person ever is that we each get to experience real life change.”

These are the words our pastor, Justin, shared in a message entitled "First Things First". I was expecting him to finish the sentence with Jesus or God or maybe even the Bible. But real life change… the most important thing? That took a little while to settle with my soul.

Justin used chapter 9 of Acts and the story of Saul (converted to the Apostle Paul) to back his statement. This chapter details the conversion of Saul on the Road to Damascus. As Justin spoke, I thought about Paul. (I love to read and reread his letters recorded in the Bible.)

Saul was a leader in the Jewish religion. He believed that in arresting and persecuting Christians, he must have believed he was obeying God. In Acts 22:3, Paul declares that he was “just as zealous for God as any of you are today”. (Chapter 22 is Paul’s own account of his conversion.) That is why his story is so powerful. Everyone knew who he was. Everyone knew what his life was like. Now, everyone knew he was different.

Saul knew of Jesus. He was educated in God’s laws. He was religious. However, until that day on the Road to Damascus, he didn’t experience real life change. That life change was dramatic and God used his story to expand the church. It didn’t matter how much knowledge about God he had or even that he knew the works of Jesus. When Saul encountered God and allowed his life to be changed by submitting to God’s authority, that is when his life truly began to thrive. The transformation story of his life is nothing short of amazing.

Yes, I agree that real life change is the most important thing for every person ever. I may not have some radical transformation story for my own life but I know that I am different because of Jesus. It is noticeable and I need to continue to pursue God’s transformation in my life. A life changed lives with purpose. A life changed has a different perspective. A life changed has power. A life changed has hope. A life changed has Jesus.

It is a good thing to pursue life change in my health. It is a good thing to pursue life change in my fitness. It is a good thing to pursue life change in my finances. None of that quite matters, however, if I have not pursued life change in light of eternity. It’s a question we each need to ask ourselves: “Has my life really been changed because of Jesus”?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:28-34

(Paul’s story as well as his letters can be found in the books of Acts, Romans, 1 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1 Thessalonians, 2 Thessalonians, 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, Titus and Philemon.)

The John 3:16 commercial

2012-01-17T11:01:00.000-06:00

I applaud Focus on the Family for this commercial. Fox News quoted a woman saying "Religion is a family value. Keep it in your home". Really? It's acceptable to have half naked women broadcasted during commercials but religion is what we should be concerned about keeping in our homes? I'd much rather my husband and children's eyes and ears be exposed to this message. If only all commercials could share uplifting messages. When did we lose our family values, America? This is clearly a message we all need to hear.

Power in the Written Word

2012-01-16T18:22:00.000-06:00

A gravel driveway, thistle weeds and hot tar on the street don’t mix well with bare feet. For me, however, there was some sort of twisted accomplishment in setting out towards the mailbox across the street from our driveway without my shoes. Growing up on five acres, collecting the day’s mail might have felt like a chore to some. Not to me. The anticipation that our wooden box held something with my name on it gave me a hop in my step (with or without shoes on) the moment I saw the mail carrier come by.

There was something about being the first person to rifle through the stack of envelopes placed in that mail receptacle. The hope that this day, someone cared enough to drop a little change to tell me I matter. Encouragement from a friend who knew the way a heart soars to tear open a letter that simply says, “I’m thinking about you.” There was a magic about that little box and the possibility that any day a lifeline-of-sorts-on-paper could be found addressed specifically to me.

I have come a long way from being a young girl who sacrificed her feet in hopes that there would be a letter to brighten my day. At some point, I quit expecting letters decorated brightly with stickers amongst the ordinary bills and advertisements. Somewhere along the way, I decided the written word was simply a thing of the past. As the mailman quit delivering anything exciting, I came to believe the lie that others simply do not see the same magic I do in opening the mailbox each day.

In today’s day and age of email, Facebook and texting, I surrendered to the idea that the keyboard was an acceptable form of communication. Rising costs of postage added to my reasoning that the postal service no longer was an acceptable route for communication. Recently, however, I’ve found my name on letters in the mailbox again. Not on bills or advertisements, but on personalized envelopes just for me. These, along with a little encouragement from (in)courage and DaySpring, have stirred the hope from my past. 2012 is a year I commit to offering handwritten encouragement once again.

I have stacks and boxes and scrapbooks filled with written encouragement. From condolences on the death of our dads to special occasions that were marked with cards to the simple “I’m thinking about you”. In these, I am reminded of the support system surrounding me. I thumb through each one rereading their messages with the thought that I am not alone. I am loved. I am cared for. I have friends. The written word has lasting power. (My favorite are the letters written by the Apostle Paul to different churches that are now an encouragement to me as well because the written word can stand the test of time.) I’m committing to use my written word to build others up this year. Will you do the same?

(On a side note: I’m not a huge fan of Federal holidays for the simple fact that there is no mail delivery to look forward to.)

Fully Satisfied

2012-01-15T14:59:00.002-06:00

"Those who want to do right more than anything else are happy, because God will fully satisfy them." - Matthew 5:6 (New Century Version)

Our Bigger World

2012-01-04T21:33:00.000-06:00

I read this post today over at (in)courage about Compassion International. Our family began sponsoring two children through compassion almost two years ago. (You can read how our world expanded here.) It was one of the best decisions we ever made.

In this world of entitlement, it is so nice to have specific names to bring to our girls' minds when we talk about "those who have less than us". "Don't you realize that there are starving children in this world?" is not a comment I need to throw at my girls. Instead, I have real life stories that I can remind them of. "Remember how Johnson used the money we sent for his birthday to buy chickens so his family can have eggs to eat?" This certainly grabs my girls' attention a lot more than a generalized statement about strangers. We currently sponsor two children and it is my goal this year to add another child to that list. Three daughters and three sponsored children.

Our girls love to pray for our friends. They each have their own personal friend that they pray for and our youngest ends every prayer with "...and food and a Bible...Amen" because she has heard us pray for the needs of these children to be met as long as she can remember. It will be so exciting when she can choose her own friend to sponsor. Another goal of mine is to do better corresponding with these children we sponsor through Compassion.

If you are looking for a way to broaden your world, look into Compassion International. It will change your life...and a child in need's as well.

Carpe Diem – Seize the Day

2012-01-03T08:08:00.000-06:00

It’s January 3rd and my mind is still swirling with my options of resolutions. I want to get to my goal weight. We need to start reaching our financial goals. My family would benefit if I could get my anger under control. It would be fun to have a regular date night with my husband. Someday I would like to progress in my scrapbooking past my middle daughter’s third month of life (she is 6 now). What would it be like if I went to bed every night with a clean house? How would I feel if I exercised every day? I should eat healthier. Practice better dental hygiene. Get back on track with couponing. I’d like to be intentional with writing letters to friends. It would be best if I spent less time watching television and playing on the computer. I need to prevent our calendar from becoming too full. I want to pray more. Listen better. Read more. Eat less. Get back into a running routine. We need to schedule in more time with friends. I want to be more intentional with my children…

Overwhelmed? So am I. The real problem is that the list can go on and on. There is always something I want to change and continually look to some point in the future when I am going to achieve my goals. The other problem is that the future never really quite cooperates the way I expect it to. After saying goodbye to our dads, life needed adjustments. Three children required more adjusting. There’s the school activities and changing friendships. Family is not even a factor I can count on to remain consistent. Always needing to adjust my life doesn’t make for a very convenient routine to establish my “resolutions”.

I think the best commitment I can make for this next year is a simply one. I need to learn to live for today. Quit waiting for tomorrow. The grass may appear greener on the other side but once I get there I’ll look back and see the lush land I’m currently in now. I have no guarantee of tomorrow. Attempting to get there only creates stress. God has promised to be with me today and that is where my focus needs to be. Today I can live with gratitude, offer praise to God, extend love to my family, cherish my friends, live my life the way God directs and open my eyes to the blessings He has sent my way. When I am tempted to start longing for tomorrow, I will look to God and seek His help to stay present in today. Tomorrow can just wait.

“This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118:24

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34

She's still impacting the lives here

2012-01-02T16:04:00.000-06:00

Gitz: "It's How I want People to Remember Me"

Renewing

2012-01-01T09:07:00.001-06:00

Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God - truly righteous and holy.

Don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

- Ephesians 4:21-24, 26-27, 29-32

Santa's gift to our family

2011-12-26T10:53:00.000-06:00

There may not be peace on earth, but we have peace in our home thanks to Santa and his elves. The girls are upstairs enjoying their new desks and we are enjoying quiet.

Thank you Santa!

Teacher Gifts

2011-12-23T06:21:00.001-06:00

When I saw these on All Things Heart and Home (she got the idea from Craft Rookie), I knew this was what I wanted to do for teacher gifts. (You can find the recipe by clicking on the better picture of the reindeer pop on their sites.) Sure, a gift card would probably be more useful but the purpose behind the gift is to say thank you. I thought these little guys did the job well. We simply wrapped them in sandwich bags and attached a little card that said "You are a deer. Thank you for being part of my life." The girls signed them and we had tasty little thank yous.

Wedding Witness

2011-12-20T05:36:00.001-06:00

Anytime I hear of a marriage falling apart, my heart aches. When did we decide that the wedding comes with a revolving door? Is it really a wonder that people push the thought of this “commitment” far away? Will marriage ever again become what God intended it to be and appeal to us once again?

Recently, my husband and I attended a wedding of a girl I used to babysit when I was a teenager. My emotions got tangled up in the day. From embracing the adults in my past that made such an impact on my life to flashbacks of me as a bride, tears blurred my eyes. It was emotional to see children I babysat for in the current stage of life I was back in the day. The bride’s brother closest in age to her was my own ring bearer so it was especially difficult to prevent my mind from wandering back to my own wedding day.

The most difficult moment for my heart to witness was the father walking his daughter down the aisle. The moment has always choked me up but even more powerfully on this day. Not only did I respect and look up to this man and the role he played in my life, but my own dad is no longer alive. It was heart wrenching to recall the way my daddy fought back his tears as he prepared to give me away on that day some fifteen years ago. Now, here I stood witness to the same raw emotions between a father and his daughter with “Butterfly Kisses” playing in the background.

My heart was present at this wedding ceremony and my ears were attentive to the challenge the pastor would give to the bride and groom. What I did not anticipate was the challenge I would hear for myself that day from God. Have you ever thought about your responsibility at a wedding? Are you simply family or an honored guest? What is your relationship to the bride and groom? In that moment, God impressed upon my heart the responsibility placed on me as one of the witnesses gathered.

Here are two young people making vows for life “before God and these witnesses”. “These witnesses” are referring to those of us watching the intimate moment unveiled. Have you ever thought about the fact that you were not just invited to the wedding to comment on the beauty of the bride? We are not in attendance to smile and clap or even renew our own vows with our spouse. As invited guests, we are there to witness a binding agreement.

Vows are being made for a lifetime. Our challenge is to listen to those vows so that should this couple reach the revolving door, we can stop them before they begin to walk out. We can help them remember that vows made before God and a multitude of witnesses were never meant to be broken. Could it be that we are partly to blame for the failed marriages in this world because we refuse to stand up as witnesses and say “I was there that day you promised to share this life together and I am going to do everything I can to help you keep those vows”?

If we were witnesses to a will signing or some other binding contract, we would be called into court to give testimony of what we witnessed. In the same way, shouldn’t we be there to give testimony of the vows we witnessed in a legal agreement on a wedding day? If we would surround ourselves on the day we say “I do” with witnesses who will encourage us to work on this priceless institution of marriage, wouldn’t we be better off?

I am so grateful to know that my wedding vows were not made with an open door. Had I made the choice to leave my husband at any moment, I would have face repercussions. It would not have been an easy out for me and I’m grateful for that. Because, yes, in the early years of our marriage, I probably would have walked right through that revolving door had it been readily available to me. And if I had, I would have missed out on the many blessings of where hard work and commitment have taken my husband and me in these fifteen years.

Commitment is not a welcome word in our world today. Not with work or church and sadly, not with friendships or family. If we cannot keep our commitments that we make before God and witnesses, how will we ever keep any commitment we make? Yes, commitments take work. Very often, we will look at the long road ahead with all the obstacles in our way and wonder how the work can possibly be worth it. But it is. It is so very much worth every effort we put forth.

I am going to seize the challenge I have as a witness to wedding vows. Take this into consideration if you think of inviting me to your wedding. I will encourage you that the challenges and obstacles ahead are worth the work. Any relationship that endures that kind of testing will be gold in the end!

The relationship between a husband and wife was meant to be so much more than what we have turned it into. God intended for our marriages to be a glimpse into our relationship with Him. Could it be that if marriage is done right we might want more of God as well?

Will you join me and take your responsibility seriously the next time you are invited to be a witness to a couple’s wedding vows?

"Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together." - Matthew 19:6

Need help? Check out Family Life's Weekend to Remember.

When did you realize that you weren't alone on this journey called motherhood?

2011-12-15T06:00:00.051-06:00

It's the Hearts at Home Blog Hop today! For December: When did you realize that you weren't alone on this journey called Motherhood?

Because I know God is always with me

Because I have a husband like no other

Because my sister will drop whatever she is doing if I call for help

Because my mom is the very definition of the word “servant”

Because my brother and sister-in-law have a little girl exactly 4-months older than my oldest

Because I have a community of believers

Because I joined a MOPS group when my firstborn came along

Because I can tell my girlfriend that I feel like throwing my child out the window and she knows I don’t ever really intend to do that

Because my girlfriend knows just the right words to say to point me to truth when my mind is filled with negativity

Because my life is filled with older, wiser advice givers

Because being a mother gives me a greater understanding of God’s love for me

Because giving birth to three little girls swells my heart for my Creator

Because I have friends who are with me through the thick-of-it

Because my girlfriends are all up for a weekend away

Because my husband is a trooper and knows how often I need to be refreshed

Because God sent His one and only Son into this world for me

Because Jesus took my sin upon Himself on that cross

Because the stone was rolled away

Because He lives

Because of all this and more, I have never had to feel alone on this journey called Motherhood. And when the moments of self-pity hit, all I have to do is be pointed in the right direction to fill up on truth to shine light in the darkness. Motherhood was never a journey meant to be done alone. I’m grateful for the blessings in my life and the grace God has given me just when I need it. If you feel alone in mothering, find a MOPS group, comes to Hearts at Home, join a church community or most importantly, pull out your Bible and empty your heart to He who has always been.

This journey of Motherhood was never meant to be done alone.

Jill Savage is starting a book study on Facebook in January on Real Moms, Real Jesus… check it out!

MOPS has groups all over. Moms looking for others in their same life stage find this group invaluable.

Hearts at Home is March 16-17 at Illinois State University. Don’t miss it!

(in)courage is hosting a conference where you don’t need a lot of money, time, or even friends to attend on April 27-28. Check out (in)RL.

It's about the cross

2011-12-10T09:31:00.000-06:00

If you only had 30 days to live?

2011-12-09T06:09:00.000-06:00

Robin over at All Things Hearts and Home asks the question: "If you had only 30 days to live what would you change?" It's a good question because it is how we should attempt to fill our days every day.

It starts with the little choices

2011-11-30T06:14:00.000-06:00

Lysa Terkeurst has a post today that reminds us why the little choices matter. I don't need to reach the world for Jesus today. I just need to be obedient in the next choice I make.

Finding Thanks

2011-11-30T05:45:00.000-06:00

Do you struggle with gratitude? Grumbling comes so naturally for me. I'm always working on learning how to be thankful. (In)courage has a must read today. If we could just live like these people who really truly do have something to be depressed about... that's how we thank God with their lives. That is how we honor Him. It's time to do the same.

Jesus is all that matters

2011-11-21T05:27:00.000-06:00

For the past couple of days, I have read Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest. The daily devotionals have been about forgiveness and the death of Jesus Christ. The thought that forgiveness comes only through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and the fact that we should not take that lightly.

This morning I read this piece over at (in)courage. It left me deep in thought. Although it's difficult to wrap your mind around, it's true... Jesus is all that matters.

Living with Less (HAH November Blog Hop)

2011-11-17T08:15:00.002-06:00

It's the Hearts at Home Blog Hop today! For November: Share 5 “things” you’ve given up or are living without as a family so that you can have more.

Living without two incomes is a choice we have made. I quit my job while I was pregnant with our first daughter because I was so sick at the beginning of the pregnancy. At the same time, we knew that we wanted me to be able to be home with our children. I consider it a privilege to be able to witness all their firsts, help with classroom parties, chaperone field trips and be here when they get home from school every day. Sure, there are days I wonder if working outside the home might help my sanity but ultimately, I know these days are a gift God has given me that I’ll never get back.

A couple of years ago, we eliminated cable television. It wasn’t an easy decision in that we all had our channels we really enjoyed watching. Due to finances, it was a decision we needed to make. Honestly, I think it was a bit of prompting from God as well. While there is some good stuff that we miss out on, TV is a lot lower on the priority list in our household these days.

I would love to have an iphone (or a Windows phone – I have no loyalty to either company). A plan with texting and internet access would be a lot of fun to have. The monthly bill to accompany that phone, however, is unaffordable for our family. Our current plan is prepaid on an out-of-date phone. We utilize our cell phone only when necessary. It’s another choice we’ve made to cut costs as well as make more time for family. If I had a phone of high caliber, I believe I would have a hard time limiting my time. Without it, the temptation is eliminated.

We limit our children on the activities they can participate in. All of those outside activities add up in monetary commitments as well as time commitments. Even just the weekly commitment of AWANA which I chose for them years ago eats up one evening a week. The benefits of this program with hiding God’s Word in the hearts of my girls keep this commitment on our calendar. However, I refuse to fill up every evening with a commitment. My girls would love to be in dance but dance classes are limited in our home to the small programs offered in the summer time. It requires intentional planning to keep our lives from spinning out-of-control. I don’t want us to live hurried lives and even with these boundaries in place, I feel as if it’s a constant battle.

Our family does not even attempt to keep up with the Joneses. We have a beautiful living room thanks to friends and family who were willing to give us their old entertainment center, television, sofas and coffee table they were parting with (each item from a different family). It’s a place where our family is enjoying reading together, watching family films together, and playing games. And despite the fact that my husband is a technical guy, we don’t have the latest and greatest technical items. We don’t even have a flat screen television. It’s my hope that we learn a need v. a want as we limit the material items we bring into our homes.

It can be a struggle to live with less in today’s world. When I see people in “poverty” utilizing a phone that I barely dream of having, I question our priorities. I find myself desiring the life of comfort so many seem to live but the fact is that it is only an appearance. Many people are living in debt and those that do truly live comfortably have usually worked hard and made sacrifices to get to where they are. If I attempt to keep up with the rest of the world, I will only find myself frustrated. I simply cannot responsibly afford the next best thing. Our household may live with outdated items, but we are a family that can stay together and spend quality time together and that benefit tops anything else. When I find myself struggling with desires for more, I remember that God has ALWAYS provided for every one of our needs and some. While I’d love to save up money for vacations and our future, this verse keeps me giving thanks to God and remembering that He is the one who provides.

“O God, I beg two favors from you; let me have them before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the LORD?” And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name.” – Proverbs 30: 7-9

How do you live with less so your family can have more? Check out the ideas other Hearts at Home bloggers have, too.

Imperfect Perfection

2011-11-10T07:47:00.009-06:00

Dad on a Sunday morning with his Bible and my brother
(not the way I picture him - but a cool picture anyway)

The other day, a friend of mine asked me to suggest some hymns because her grandmother had passed away. I spent a morning thumbing through our hymnal recalling one song after the other. Peace overwhelmed as I the tunes played through my mind and words lifted from my tongue. At times, tears won out at the mixture of sadness and joy as thoughts of Dad crept in.

For a time, Dad was the song leader at our church. I remember him sitting in the pew, hymnal in hand, marking the songs he wanted the congregation to sing together. The picture of him standing at the pulpit, dressed in his suit, directing us with his hands, reminds me how worship was more enjoyable because my daddy was leading us.

I began writing this morning to talk about the way my friend’s request reminded me how much I crave time alone with my God. Singing hymns reminded me of the fact that I need to do more than just spend time consistently reading the Bible and lifting my requests to my Lord in prayer. I need to continually spend time worshipping and acknowledging the Almighty for who He is.

In mentioning my dad, I am struck with the fact that he left me this example. Dad was not a perfect man. At times, I struggle with pain that was left behind because it cannot be remedied with a face-to-face conversation. And then God gives me the gift of a memory; a memory that floods my heart and wells up tears and breaks through my pain. No, dad wasn’t perfect; but in his imperfection, he led by example. When I think of someone who had awe and respect and reverence for God, I see my dad’s emotion-filled face in my mind.

What kind of example will I unknowingly leave behind for my kids? I know they will remember those moments where I screw up. Sadly, the faults blind us and make it nearly impossible to recall the positive. I’m thankful that God continues to heal my soul with memories that impacted who I am today. Dad led songs because there was a need; not because he wanted to be center stage. He was just a man who loved God and wanted others to share in that love. When he talked about God and the gratefulness welled up in his throat, causing his chin to quiver, I’m certain he had no idea the impact he was making on his youngest daughter. And yet today, God uses it as a balm for my wounded heart. My daddy was an imperfect man who loved God and desired to please Him. (On a side note: I love to imagine him in his perfected stated with Jesus.)

I’m glad my dad wasn’t perfect. It gives me hope for myself. Maybe my girls will catch me in a vulnerable moment and hold onto that memory to bring their hearts comfort some day. Today, I choose to look at God’s creation and stand in awe because my daddy did. I will laugh and thank God for my children because my dad thoroughly enjoyed them, too. As we enter into the holidays, the pain in my heart will draw me to lean on the Truth we are celebrating because of his example. I will remember that he was a gift to draw me to The Father of us all. And I will stand in grateful awe with my eyes on the hope of Heaven and the day we will all be rid of our impurities with Jesus.

Monday's Mullings: You are a Masterpiece

2011-11-07T17:53:00.002-06:00

This song by Sandi Patty entitled “Masterpiece” was one that I sung with my brother at my niece’s baby dedication. I was 15 when she was born. This song impacted my heart in a way that I’ve sung it to all three of my girls as I rocked them to sleep as babies. I believe they are God’s special design. It boggles my mind how anyone can look at a little baby and believe they are anything less than God’s creation. I used Psalm 139 on their birth announcements.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!”

I think of the way I watched my mom or grandma knit. The thought of their delicate care in their work overwhelms my heart. This is the word picture God gives when he refers to His creation of us. Certainly, I believe that we, as human beings, created in God’s image, are His masterpiece.

My mind wandered yesterday from rocking my baby girls to standing in front of my bathroom mirror alone. “Every time you look into the mirror, you look at a work of art,” my pastor emphasized from the platform. Do I really believe I am a work of art? I know God created me and I believe He did a wonderful job with my girls and even other people in this world… but me… a work of art? I tend to question his handiwork when it comes to the reflection staring back at me. The list of imperfections in my mind are long. I nod my head in agreement, however. I do believe I am a work of art created by the God of the Universe. It’s time I remind myself of this and praise Him for His work rather than criticize.

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” – Ephesians 2:10

Currently, my intentions are to write this verse along my girls’ bathroom mirror. More importantly, I need to write it on my heart. I am God’s masterpiece. If I truly believe this and live it, my girls will learn to do the same by example.

Pastor Dennis then ended directing our thoughts to an auction. Many pieces of art go for a lot of money. He stressed that “No piece of art has ever cost more than you.” We are God’s artwork paid for by the blood of Christ.

“Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19

The challenge: Live up to the price that’s been paid for you.

Birthday Letter #6 to Jaycie October 2011

2011-10-21T06:06:00.001-05:00

Dear Jaycie,

It has been so encouraging to watch you grow this last year of your life. To hear you excited to spend time with your friends at school makes me smile. While I love the moments you want to snuggle, I know God created you for more than just a relationship with me. I want others to know our fun, loving Jaycie the way we do. You’ve come such a long way from being attached to your Mama, Little Lama.

You thrive on making others laugh. I enjoy listening to your funny stories and witnessing your silly antics. You have a special way of brightening our lives.

The questions you come up with seem never ending. You are one smart cookie who desires answers to her inquiries. I pray your questions will drive you closer to God, that you will accept the fact that certain answers will not come this side of Heaven and remember we are saved by grace through faith. Sometimes, you will just have to embrace the answers God has given us and have faith for the rest.

I am so thankful that memorizing comes so easy for you. While we are working to get you to actually sound out words so you can learn to read rather than just memorize the stories, it does our hearts good to know memorizing Bible verses for AWANA is not a problem. It is so very important to know the Bible. The Bible is God’s Word to us and it allows us to know His voice.

One of my fondest memories of your sixth year of life is family prayer time. When it is your turn to pray, your eyes are open as you scan the room. You begin to pray and then continue on with one thing you see, moving on to the next thing your eyes catch and so on. You even thank God for yourself in your prayers. And that you should, because you are His masterpiece. Sometimes I wonder if your prayer will ever end and then I remember that my desire is for you to stay in constant communication with our Lord and Savior.

Dance was a highlight of your summer. While I screwed up and only taped the one dance instead of two, it was so fun to watch you in a comfortable element. As you practice tap or show me how you can balance on the tips of your toes, I find myself wishing we could dedicate more time and money to dance for you.

We love to watch the moments you and your sisters get along. I know it can be difficult for you sometimes with Andelise being so little still, but you are doing a good job of being her big sister. Probably because you have such a good example that you look up to.

I enjoy watching you play because it reveals so much about you. You seem to be an expert at puzzles and Legos. Daddy is so excited that you want to make creations out of Legos with him. When I see you swinging, there appears not to be a worry in the world. You get so excited to see Treasure and Loyal when Grams comes over. Although you don't want her grown puppies to jump all over you, you welcome being close to them when they calm down. Sitting down next to them, you pet their heads and talk sweetly to them (the same way you do when you give our Pup a kiss on the cheek and tell her you love her). This, as well as the moments I catch you playing with your baby dolls or Barbies, are especially endearing to witness.

I’m sorry that I cause your smiling face to crumble with my lofty expectations. I am working to learn what is truly important and to let go of the rest. My prayer is that you and your sisters will know how very much I love each one of you. I realize my faults and sins may cause you to question my love at times. I am imperfect and therefore, my love is far from perfection as well. If I can raise you and point your eyes and direct your heart to the only one who can love you perfectly, then, my dear daughter, I have mothered well.

I desire so much for you, Jaycie. For today, I want you to have friends that will bring out the best in you. Every day, I hope your family relationships will grow strong and be quality for a lifetime. It is my hope that the community we surround you with of friends and church family as well as our God-given family will allow you an earthly glimpse of God’s love for you. My hope for your future is that you will have a man love you the way your daddy loves me because God intended the marriage relationship to mirror our relationship with Him. Ultimately, Jaycie Mariah, my prayer is that you will live your life in grateful response to the love God demonstrated through Jesus’ death on the cross for you. For there is no greater love and this is what life is all about.

Please know how very much I love you and please forgive me for the times I mess up. I’m thankful God gave us you. My life is richer because you are in it and I am better because of my relationship with you. I look forward to seeing what God has in store for you this next year.

Love,

Mommy

My Daughter's Reflection of Me (October HAH Blog Hop)

2011-10-20T13:04:00.001-05:00

I’m grateful that we are back to the monthly Hearts at Home Blog Hop today. For October: Tell us about that time at the playground when that thing happened.

It seems like it is so easy to get embarrassed or irritated with things my children do. Too often, I believe that their actions are a reflection on me. Sadly, the expectations I put on my children are too lofty and too much about myself.

The moment that keeps blaring in my mind when I think of my girls and outings with our friends was more of a disappointment than anything else. It was one of the first fits I recall my oldest daughter throwing. We were on a walk to the library with her first or second grade class. (My oldest is very compliant and fits are highly uncommon.)

Anytime we are in a group situation, I tend to talk to the adults and expect my children to play with their friends. At this outing, Nikelle was walking with her friends as I talked with their mom. The walk was so nice. The weather was beautiful. Everything went smoothly. Until the end of the scavenger hunt the librarian organized for the kids.

My daughter and her friends all found the books that were listed and turned in proof for their prize. (The prizes were the usual use-a-couple-times-and-throw-away kind of junk we so often acquire.) As my daughter chose her item I made sure it was what she wanted. Being that the prize was a whistle or something (I really don’t remember what the item was); I knew there would be no option of changing our minds later. Assuring me that this was her desired prize, we walked away.

As her friends met up with us to walk the forest preserve path back to our vehicles, Nikelle noticed their prize choices and inquired as to changing her mind. Informing her that we already had this discussion, my daughter began to throw a fit. It wasn’t a throw-myself-on-the-ground, kicking and screaming kind of fit but there was pouting and stomping involved. The part that disappointed me the most was the way she took it out on her friends. As we walked back to the car, I witnessed her friends attempting to catch up with her to walk together and make conversation. I was in disbelief as I watched my sweet little girl run from them to continue her pity party.

Getting into the van, I prayed for the right response with my daughter. The root of the matter was that she had an ungrateful heart. She didn’t appreciate the walk with her mom, with her friends, or the kind gesture by the library to offer prizes. This was an issue of character and one that saddened my mother’s heart.

Pulling away, I noticed some of God’s natural consequences for my daughter’s behavior and pointed them out to her. Her friends that she was running away from on the walk were now rolling down a hill, laughing and extending their time of fun. As she saw them, she made the request to join them. I informed her that because of her behavior, she would not be participating in their fun.

When we got home, I sent my daughter to her room to think about the situation. She was instructed to write a list of 10 or 20 things she was thankful for (I don’t recall the exact number). I then went to my husband and cried about our imperfect daughter. The concern was that we were raising ungrateful children. What I recall more than anything that day was the way my daughter came down with a list of thanksgiving exceeding the number required of her. This discipline was effective and I believe came because I asked God for wisdom in handling the situation.

I don’t recall if my heartbreak over the situation had anything to do with a fear of reflection of myself. However, I realize that every action in my children should draw my attention back to me. Not because my children are a reflection of me to others. Rather, my children are a reflection of my character. If I disapprove of their behavior, it is time to examine my own. What flaws do you witness your children reflecting back at you?

5 things I wish I'd known

2011-10-15T00:52:00.003-05:00

What are 5 things you wished you would have known BEFORE you became a mother?

Before I became a mother, I knew the very best way to raise children. It was easy for me to judge “those” moms who simply did not raise their children appropriately. Too often, I shook my head in disgust. If those parents would only invest the necessary time and implement the necessary rules, their children would not be behaving that way. Then I had kids.

I wish I knew how futile it would be to measure myself up to other moms. Every mom is different. That’s the bottom line. No two women mother exactly alike and there is so much freedom in knowing that. Too often, I succumb to the lies that other moms are better. It’s just not true. We are certainly different and they may have strengths I don’t but that just means I have strengths that they don’t. It’s time to quit the comparison game in mothering.

It’s time to quit the comparison game between our children as well. No matter how hard we try, we cannot hold to one set of rules for every child. We have to be flexible because our children our different. What works with one child may not work with another. It is important to modify our plan of action to best suit each child. I wish I knew that determining my list of rules before my first child was born would only lead to frustration. Circumstances will change. With each new scenario comes a need for flexibility.

I wish I knew the certain failure that came with parenting. The failure of living up to my own expectations as well as the expectations of my children and the expectations of others are inevitable. There is no possible way I can live up to my own expectations. They are always too lofty. Inevitably, my children will grow up with a list of the way I failed them as I did with my parents and they did with theirs. Children always know better than their parents (until they become parents anyway). Just as I judged others, they are judging me and it doesn’t matter. Until they walk in my shoes and know the life I live, they cannot judge accurately. There is only one Judge whose opinion matters and I will face Him on Judgment Day.

Pain in parenting is unavoidable. I certainly could not comprehend that fact before my first child came along. There is pain for our children the moment we dream about their existence. In bringing the child into the world, we endure pain. Once that child is here and has to experience pain for themselves, it is utterly heartbreaking. In those moments where I cannot take the hurt away, all pain is magnified. It saddens me deeply to watch my child endure the pain. In this pain, I am drawn closer to God. The love I have for my own children gives me a glimpse of His indescribable love.

There are a lot of things I wish I had known before I had children. Just like being a teenager who has to experience it before they’ll ever understand, however, I had to become a parent first. The pains of parenting are completely outweighed by the joys. I’m so grateful to be the mom to three little girls. More so, I’m grateful to have a Heavenly Father who is the only perfect parent I ever need to measure up to.

Searching for Peace Amidst the Chaos (2004)

2011-10-06T11:07:00.001-05:00

(I came across this article I had written for my MOPS group back in 2004. Those were days where I had only one child. Funny... these days I'd be happy to find messes limited to the rooms they should be in. Two more kids and more than 7 years later, my search is still for peace amidst the chaos.)

“Mommy?”

“Mommy?”

“Mommmmmy!”

It never fails that my daughter calls my name when I am washing dishes or preparing a meal. She’ll even go so far as to place herself between my body and the sink (or the stove) to push me away from my current task. I try to explain to my 1 ½ -year-old “Mommy has to wash the dishes so she can get dinner ready for Daddy to eat when he is done with work.” It’s a temporary solution that generally leads to her request, “Hold you.” “Hold you.” until I give in to the attention she longs for and feels the peace she needs. Needless to say, my kitchen on any given day is a disaster area.

My kitchen is not the only area that is in desperate need of help. Generally, it is impossible to walk in the family room without stepping on some kind of toy. Fed up with trying to find clean spots to place my feet, I will stop to organize the room. Pleased with my accomplishment, I head upstairs only to find that my daughter is emptying every single item out of her dresser! My body aches for rest and peace so I sit down hoping to close my eyes for five minutes. After only a few seconds, quietness alerts me that something isn’t right. Running, I meet my daughter’s smiling face. Smiling, because she has found a new game involving her black dress shoes and the dog’s completely filled water bowl (or at least it was full prior to her new game).

Chaos. That’s the way I would define my mornings, my days – my life. This continual disorder naturally leads to stress, which I so maturely handle by going on the warpath. I go through the day looking for that “release valve” to reduce the stress in my life. Until I find it, everyone in my path will, unfortunately, have to suffer. There are those moments where the weight is temporarily lifted off my shoulders (possibly because I have found the “release valve” in completely losing my temper). But just when I begin to sense a little peace in my life – make room for chaos! I fill that schedule jam-packed again. The result is continually the same. Day-in and day-out: Disorder. Chaos. Lack of peace.

So, I’m on a mission to replace the chaos in my life with peace. Some advice I’ve received has seemed very reasonable. “Make a daily schedule.” “Write out lists.” “Keep the counters clean.” “Budget.” “Invest in friendships.” “Rely on family.” Sadly, attempting these suggestions lead to more stress. Often, I feel that I should just resign myself to living in chaos. For many of the things filling my schedule, there is no option to remove them out of my life. There’s the grocery shopping; the meetings; the family gatherings and even the workouts and social gatherings. Not to mention the all-familiar saga of never-ending dirty laundry. All of these time consuming tasks leave me longing for peace.

My mission to replace the chaos in my life with peace has led me to the Bible. In reading God’s Word, I find in 1 Corinthians 14:33 that “God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” This verse gives me some hope. Clearly, my search for peace needs to begin with God. He is the source of peace. In John 14:27, Christ tells His disciples, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” I have been learning that I will only find peace when I turn to the God of Peace. I must place my total dependence on Him and trust Him at His Word.

Trusting in God is something I have a very difficult time with. By nature, I am a control-freak. It is unnatural for me to be dependent on anyone. This is one area where I have had no choice but to grow this past year and it is an area, I’m learning, where there is always room for more growth.

One way God is teaching me how to grow is through my daughter’s example. She trusts me. Completely. Totally. She depends on me. The prophet, Isaiah, in Chapter 26 verse 3 writes “You [God] will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Peace will only be found when I admit my total dependence on God and trust that He will keep His promises to me.

My search for peace is an ever-continuing mission. For those moments; mornings; days; for my life – when chaos and disorder overwhelm me, I’ll cry out to the one who continually hears my prayers; to the only one who has earned my complete and total trust and dependence. In my search for peace, I can learn something from watching my daughter. By following her example, I know I can cry out to the only one I can trust completely and totally. “Father?” “Father?” “Father!” He will hear my cry and answer. “Hold me.” “Hold me.” will be my request. And I will find peace.

“I cried out to the Lord, and he heard me… Then I lay down and slept in peace…” (Psalm 3:4-5)

Remembering her example

2011-09-28T10:17:00.000-05:00

Today, people are remembering Sara Frankl aka Gitzen Girl. While I’ve never met her, I am thinking about her life, too. I am one of the many follower’s of Sara’s blog. What intrigued me was the way a woman who was homebound with AS was able to experience so much joy.

How did she do it? Honestly, she was dying... yet all the way until the end... she chose joy. Her friend put it here in a tangible way for me. "By continually taking joy in the lives of others, she taught me to feel bliss when something good happens to someone else… as much bliss as if it were happening to me."

I’m working on putting this into practice. When I feel a twinge of jealousy inside my heart instead of joy, I will choose to remember Sara's example. I will flip my feeling and choose joy instead. All I need to do is be honestly excited for my friend and it will give me joy.

The way Sara chose joy amidst her suffering was an anomaly. I whine and complain about the slightest little ache, pain, sniffle or cough. Her blog was full of joy… not negativity. Her love for God was magnetic. I only hope I can leave the kind of legacy behind that she did.

In honor of her memory today, how can you choose joy?

Happy 3rd Birthday, Andelise Randall! (Even if it is a couple of weeks late)

2011-09-17T05:51:00.000-05:00

My Dear Andelise Randall,

You are too anxious to grow up. At times, it makes it difficult to remember that you are only just 3-years-old. As you try to keep up with your big sisters and imitate everything they do, it’s easy to forget that you are still our baby girl. Watching you monkey all over your bunk beds (in the room you now share with your sisters); I try to recall just when it was that you got so big. It seems like it happened overnight. Was it moving you out of the crib? When you were potty trained? Maybe it happened when your big girl haircut no longer allowed the piggy tales to keep you looking little anymore? It seems like over your third year of life, we blinked and you grew up.

I will miss the little phrases that only a toddler can say. “I got biggers” always brought a smile as we reached for the tissue to clean your nose. It was hard to hold back laughter in my attempt to discipline as you would yell “I not willy want to”. All of your little quotes (along with those of your sisters) are now reliant upon memory because I never took the time to write them down.

It is so much fun to watch you break into dance whenever you hear a good beat. Even in the middle of the grocery store, you’ll start to shake your little hips at the sound of a good tune. You beg me to play “He’s got the whole world in His hands” as we drive in the van. And while I love listening to your voice sing any note; my favorite song to hear on your lips is “When We all get to Heaven”. To hear your little voice belting out our hope of Heaven makes my heart swell. I pray you and your sisters will always find such joy in God’s future for us.

You have a way of manipulating – especially your daddy. It seems like you can always convince him to give you an extra story at bedtime. When you want a piece of candy, you simply say please followed by a great big smile at the end. Knowingly, you anticipate the payment of a kiss on daddy’s cheek before you yell “whoo hoo” and run for the candy bin. (Grams taught you to utilize this please and smile tactic to obtain just about anything. Sometimes the smile immediately turns sour after achieving your goal, though.)

It does my heart good to know you are another one of daddy’s girls. Your love for him makes you bolt out of bed at the sound of the garage door opening every morning. We open the front door and run out to the driveway to get a goodbye hug. I wipe away your tears as we wave goodbye from the front window. In being a daddy’s girl, I pray you will embrace our Heavenly Father’s love for you as well.

I find myself wanting to apologize for the flawed example I leave you to follow. As I see, in you, my negative characteristics peaking through, I desire to change. With you, I am working to teach us both to show more kindness. As I see myself mirrored in your own behavior, I long for us to learn the fruits of God’s Spirit and exercise the same. You are wired like your mommy and get easily frustrated with not getting your way. We all have our limits and we both need to learn to get plenty of sleep. (When we are tired, we become irrational.) Even though I wish you were a little less like me, I am grateful for the lessons God teaches me in raising you. I know God will do great things through you. (After all, you are wired like me.) *wink* *wink*

We’ve had three amazing years with you, Ande Randy. I look forward to the future and seeing more and more of who you will become. You can brighten up a room with your smile. Our home is filled with laughter due to your silliness. Most often, you are willing to offer up an apology when necessary. That, along with your expressions of gratitude, is an example to follow. And your hugs… they melt our hearts. I’m glad God put you in our family so we can work to live for Him together. You and I will work on choosing joy. We will work on being gentle and kind and good. We will work on loving fully. When I look into that mirror of your soul, my prayer is that, even if I see myself, I will ultimately see God.

I love you dearly. Andelise Randall, You are God’s masterpiece.

Loving you,

Mommy

Blog Impact

2011-09-15T05:54:00.000-05:00

I hear she is going home. Tears fall. At the same time, my heart overflows with joy for her. She will see Jesus! She will see her dad. I have never even met her. Still, the power of her written word changed my life. She lived her life fully. Homebound but embracing life. I pray I will continually remember her life and mine will be different for it. One more person to look forward to seeing (meeting) in Heaven.

I hope you are free to run and breathe air and enjoy all the things you've had to give up for so long, Gitzen Girl. When we all get to Heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be!

Constant

2011-09-13T05:42:00.000-05:00

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." - Hebrews 13:8

I don’t like change. My life is constantly changing. Therefore, I do not adjust well. Constantly, I find myself scrambling to figure out how to get through the day. There is no consistency of a routine. Wrench after wrench is thrown my way. I’m left at a loss.

Today’s devotion on youversion.com reminded me that while my circumstances may constantly be changing, my God remains the same. I need to learn to anchor myself in God. When I feel lonely: He will never leave me or forsake me. When I feel unloved: He made the ultimate sacrifice for me. When I feel lost: He is the way, truth and life. I need to feed on truth and get past the lies.

What lies do you believe today? Join me in seeking His truth.

Perspective

2011-08-31T07:36:00.000-05:00

I was able to connect with this post over at (in)courage today. It just reminded me that while my hurts are real, it always helps to keep things in perspective.

Threatening Sarcasm

2011-08-30T08:18:00.000-05:00

I believed the lies running rampant in my heart. They stirred my feelings of insecurity. As my self-confidence waivers, sarcasm is my coping mechanism. When sarcasm rears its ugly head, even the very best of relationships are threatened.

You are not in competition with your best friend. I had to remind myself. It seemed silly really. She didn't even know there was a contest. The confusion on her face revealed her lack of understanding as to why my tongue was laced with mockery.

Immediately, I knew that my words had the potential to damage our friendship. The receiving end of a sarcastic comment is never a fun place to be. God began convicting my heart instantly as I worked on gaining control of my tongue. While I rehearsed an apology in my head, I wondered why I am so dependent on scornful words; especially when I know the misunderstanding it creates.

Unfortunately, I allowed my friend to walk away from our evening bewildered. I needed to identify the reason behind my insecurity so I could apologize sincerely. Even with the confidence that my dear friend would forgive me, “I was wrong” always turns to cotton in my mouth.

I went to sleep with a heavy heart. Friends do not behave the way I had. Waking up, I knew my apology needed to be extended not only for her benefit, but mine as well. My uncontrolled tongue most certainly left my friend perplexed and fighting her own insecurities. Thankfully, one honest apology broke the cycle. It is never easy to seek forgiveness but it was certainly necessary.

Few have had to forgive the magnitude of my wrongs the way this friend has. We’ve had our rough spots and it is certain that we will face more in the future. My friend and I are in agreement that the hard times have been more than worth the effort. Facing our tensions head-on has only strengthened our relationship. I’ve become quite the expert at apologizing and she is teaching me to forgive.

Here’s the bottom line: Our words and actions impact those around us. All our hope for things to blow over will never fix the problem. Unaddressed conflicts will leave our relationships failing to thrive. We need to start living with love. True love is more than talk. Sincere love always involves apologies and forgiveness.

My children, we should love people not only with words and talk, but by our actions and true caring. – 1 John 3:18

Psalm 139 (NCV)

2011-08-29T11:09:00.002-05:00

Lord, you have examined me and know all about me.
You know when I sit down and when I get up.
You know my thoughts before I think them.
You know where I go and where I lie down.
You know everything I do.
Lord, even before I say a word, you already know it.
You are all around me—in front and in back— and have put your hand on me.
Your knowledge is amazing to me; it is more than I can understand.

Where can I go to get away from your Spirit?
Where can I run from you?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there.
If I lie down in the grave, you are there.
If I rise with the sun in the east and settle in the west beyond the sea,
even there you would guide me.
With your right hand you would hold me.

I could say, "The darkness will hide me.
Let the light around me turn into night."
But even the darkness is not dark to you.
The night is as light as the day;
darkness and light are the same to you.

You made my whole being;
you formed me in my mother's body.
I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.
What you have done is wonderful.
I know this very well.
You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother's body.
When I was put together there, you saw my body as it was formed.
All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old.

God, your thoughts are precious to me.
They are so many!
If I could count them, they would be more than all the grains of sand.
When I wake up, I am still with you.

God, I wish you would kill the wicked!
Get away from me, you murderers!
They say evil things about you.
Your enemies use your name thoughtlessly.
Lord, I hate those who hate you;
I hate those who rise up against you.
I feel only hate for them;
they are my enemies.

God, examine me and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any bad thing in me.
Lead me on the road to everlasting life.

Timely Reminder

2011-08-17T07:38:00.000-05:00

Do you ever get tired of trying to keep up with the Joneses? If you do, jump over to Jill Savage's blog. I needed this timely reminder for my life as summer comes to an end.

Celebrations of Few

2011-08-09T06:51:00.033-05:00

Just yesterday, I was thinking about my dad. Actually, just this morning, too. I often think about the first man who held the center stage of my heart... for many reasons.

I received an email from FamilyLife today. It was an excerpt from Moments with You by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. The story was of a young navy couple who, only 10 months into their marriage, were in a car accident. The wife, was left as a quadriplegic, legally blind and unable to speak. For 50 years, the husband has remained committed to his wife. He has taken care of her every need.

This month would have been the month to celebrate my parents' marriage union. "Would have" because cancer made it impossible for my parents to ever celebrate another anniversary milestone... let alone reach 50 years. Milestones are something to be achieved. It is sad because so few make the commitment for life these days. My parents, I was certain, would have been in that few.

Hearing stories of the faithful who make the commitment for life encourages my heart. While reading this story, my mind reflects on the love my parents shared. Cancer left my mom faced with the decision to show her love for my dad by caring for him in ways people usually train for. This decision was not a difficult one for my mom to make. My mom's decision was predetermined the day she spoke the words "I do". For better... For worse... In sickness... That's what love is. While some may have only been aware of her sacrificial love displayed during my dad's year of cancer, I witnessed it every day.

When a boy broke my heart in high school, my mom wrote me a poem. I imagine the reason she gave it to me was so I would understand God's message about guarding my heart. "I love you" is a phrase that can rock your world; both when used sincerely and when used without much forethought.

"I love you" - means I want your very best
"I love you" - means I chose you o'er the rest
"I love you" - it's not just some romantic phrase that I'll say while in a phase
But it's commitment; my promise to you

"I love you" - means I'll stay right by your side
"I love you" - is what Christ said when He died
"I love you" - means I want you to share how Christ my sins did bear
'Cuz it's commitment; His promise to you

"I love you" - are more than words I'll say today
"I love you" - will endure along life's way
"I love you" - whether happy, sad or mad, it's not just some passing fad
No, it's commitment; my promise to you

"You love me?" - Then together we will grow
"You love me?" - Christ in us His fruits will sow
"You love me?" - You'll forgive me when I'm wrong, we'll pray God will make us strong
Yes, it's commitment, this love 'tween me and you

We won't be throwing any 40th anniversary celebrations this year. However, I still celebrate the love my parents shared. My mom and dad may not have loved perfectly, but they knew that Jesus was the source of perfect love. They passed that love onto me and gave me a love to live secure in.

I look forward to meeting the Apostle Paul

2011-08-08T10:35:00.004-05:00

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stay true to the Lord...

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me — everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

- Philippians 4:1a, 4-8 (NLT)

Still...

2011-07-29T07:59:00.012-05:00

I decided to do something new this morning. I've linked up with The Gypsy Mama for a Five Minute Friday. Today they're writing on the word "still" for 5 unedited minutes. (I have to be honest... I took out some punctuation... it's not easy to deny myself criticism!)

Still…

I still want to sleep more

I still want to clean out the closets upstairs

I still need to do the dishes

I still have laundry waiting for me

I still need to shower

I still have a lot of things on my to do list for the day

Good thing it’s just beginning

I’ve chosen well

I’ve taken time to be still before my God

My husband is still sleeping

My children are still on vacation at my mom’s

I have the opportunity to just be still

It’s a place I need to be more often

Still in thought

Still in quiet

Still in peace

Still in His presence

The source of all my desires

The giver of my every need

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm)

It’s the verse that brings my life into focus

Taking time to listen

It’s hard

It always feels like there is something to rush off to

Somewhere to be

Something on my checklist to complete

“Still” is hard to accomplish

This week my husband and I have been on a “staycation”. Money kept us from shelling out for a hotel and going away. Since we live in the great Chicagoland area, however, there is plenty to do. We both said it yesterday, it’s hard to relax. We feel like we need to be ready to rush to the next activity, get back for the kids or whatever other activity is on our calendar.

This time has been a gift and I need it more often. Moments of stillness draw us closer to God and closer to each other. In this busy world, I just need a little more time to be still.

Like and Unlike Mom

2011-07-21T07:07:00.024-05:00

As I watch my girls interact each day, I can't help but see my flaws reflecting back on me. I listen to my youngest yell at the top of her lungs demanding that her voice be heard and it makes me want to change. My 5-year-old loses all rationality when she gets tired and it leads me to wonder if she will fight this struggle in adulthood as well. As I witness my oldest losing patience with her youngers sisters, I can't help but think my example is being followed. It is easy to see the negative behaviors I have passed down to my girls. My fear is that they will only remember these into their adulthood.

In the same way, I've always been quick to blame my parents for the negative characteristics I display. I like to have control and often strive too much for perfection like my father. The way I keep house (or lack thereof) I learned from my mother (sorry mom). In my head, I am always able to excuse away my behavior as my parents' problems.

Today's Hearts at Home blog hop question "How are you like your mom? How are you different?" leaves me struggling. It is so easy to criticize parent/child similarities. I don't want this post to end up being a list of everything I wish I could change about myself had have that reflect on my mom. The truth is that the list of things I love about my mom is much longer than anything I'd criticize. I hope that holds true of what my girls will say about me in the future as well.

The first thing that comes to my mind when I think of one way I am like my mom is our passion for truth. It's not so much that we don't tolerate lies (although that is part of it) so much as we desire that our lives are lived according to God's Word. When advice is offered for our lives, the question must be asked: "What does God have to say about it?" Truth is our foundation. It is one thing I feel confident I am doing right and I'm grateful my mom passed that on to me.

One way I am not like my mom is in her love for children. Lock her up with a bunch of babies or a group of toddlers and she will be all smiles (although she may still need some Excedrin). Lock me up in a nursery and I feel like I'm missing out. I'll do it, but I'd much rather have the adult conversation. There is nothing my mom enjoys more than being with her grandchildren. I pray that God helps me be fully present with my children as they grow and I know it will take some major changes in my heart to become the kind of "Grams" my mom is. (However, it may simply be enough for me to remember the benefit my mom plays in raising my young children in order to do the same for my adult kids.)

Next time I wonder if all my girls will remember about me are my negative characteristics, all I need to do is think about what I remember about my parents. The positive always outweighs the negative. It's all about what we choose to remember. It wasn't until I became a parent myself that I realized they were simply trying to do their best. It's my choice if I hold onto the negative or the positive. I'm thankful that while I didn't have perfect parents, I had the best ones for raising me. I hope my girls will believe the same.

Powered by Linky Tools

Click here to enter your link and view the other Hearts at Home entries for our Third Thursday blog hop...

The fear of cancer and my faithful friend

2011-07-19T07:13:00.005-05:00

I feared the word “cancer” again. Our almost-12-year-old dog has been behaving strangely for some time. Over the past few weeks, she has begun to destroy our house. Her breathing has become labored. Yesterday, the final ailment prompted us to the veterinary office. Her back legs were giving out as she struggled to get up, walk, utilize the stairs, or just simply squat.

“Pup” was appropriately named to match her energy and enthusiasm for life. Our aging dog has always had the vibrancy of a puppy. As I wrapped my arms around her body to hoist her in and out of the van yesterday, I struggled to keep control of my emotions.

My three little girls just said goodbye to two carnival fish that same morning. Could it be that our loyal family pet would soon be a memory as well? Despite my irritation of her incessant barking and tendency to always get underfoot, I was not ready to say goodbye.

I watched my elderly companion uncharacteristically take a nap on the floor at the veterinary office as we waited for the examination. I fought the choking tears as I attempted to explain the situation. She’ll be twelve in just a few short weeks but the turn for the worse has been so drastic. As I heard the possibility of cancer suggested, it wasn’t unexpected. Just some x-rays and we would know.

Peace and control of my emotions were the prayers I lifted to God as I attempted to hold in the sobs. I didn’t even ask Him to extend the life of my dog. She’s lived a full life. Having already said goodbye to my dad because of cancer, I tried to convince myself not to be so upset about an animal.

It seemed to take an eternity as I waited for the results. Smiling, the veterinarian shared that she had good news! While our dog is most certainly a senior, she has a healthy heart and healthy lungs! With instructions to administer Dramamine and an anti-inflammatory, I imagined my daughters’ smiling faces. (Apparently, many dogs as they age develop some problem with their inner ear that causes their balance to go and their back legs to give out. We will see if there is any improvement in a couple weeks. Otherwise, we will reassess then.)

For now, I need to learn to appreciate the inappropriately timed bark that has the potential to ruin naptime. As I trip over our 50-pound friend or feel her nail pierce my foot in her clumsy excitement, it will require patience to recall the tears I shed at the thought of losing her. Next time you hear me yelling and expressing frustration at our furry family member, I invite you to help me remember.

I am thankful that our faithful friend, Pup, appears to be a healthy, old girl.

Blowing my top... with a whisper?

2011-07-15T06:50:00.005-05:00

Jill Savage had a quote by Lisa Welchel on her blog today:

“Often whispering can be more effective than yelling. Try it next time you feel like screaming. Your children may actually hear you more clearly.”

I yell at my kids all the time and it is showing up way too often in the way my youngest speaks to others. I need to start doing something different. Hopefully, I will remember this next time I want to blow my top.

I've got the joy

2011-07-13T14:03:00.003-05:00

This morning I was asking God to help me find the joy. In one of my readings today, Sarah Young, author of Jesus Calling, points out that the way to find joy is by looking to Jesus. (I highly recommend this devotional book.) She highlighted Psalm 34:5:

"Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy." - Psalm 34:5 (NCV)

Speaking my Heart

2011-07-12T10:28:00.010-05:00

This summer that I was so excited to start because I looked forward to relaxing has been anything but. I feel crazed and out-of-control. I asked God for help this morning. Attempting to refocus, I spilled my heart to Him. I just read this post at (in)courage and thought the author was speaking so much of what I'm feeling these days.

Today, I'm asking for God's love to quiet my soul.

"The Lord Your God is with you, He is might to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing." - Zephaniah 3:17

Happy 9th Birthday, Nikelle Evadne! (Belated)

2011-06-30T20:13:00.015-05:00

When I was pregnant with my oldest, a friend of mine shared how she wrote letters to her daughters on special days to give them one day when they became adults. My husband and I have held to this practice every year on our daughters' birthdays. Our girls have yet to read these letters and will receive them in the future. This year was hard for me clear my mind and heart and focus on the words I wanted to say to my daughter (hence its belated fashion). I hesitated some to share it on my blog. However, this is the way I have done it for the past few years and therefore, continue today.

My Dearest Nikelle Evadne,

It seems as though you have grown up more this year than any year in the past. When I look at you, I am amazed at your long legs and the way your body has grown. You now stand as tall as my shoulder and I wonder how soon it will be that your height will surpass my own. More than your height, you have grown in character, in knowledge and in love. You are amazing, Nikelle. God made you that way, and at 9-years-old, I am so thankful that you are striving to become the woman God has made you to be.

As I think back on this last year of your life, I am reminded of the bond you have shared with your teachers both in school and at church. These people sacrifice their time to help you grow up to become an adult who will in turn sacrifice to help others. When you overheard your third grade teacher informing the fourth grade teachers that “they want to have you in their class next year”, you took it without any pride. It was just a statement that made sense to you. You are a good kid who obeys the rules and cares about others. Adults appreciate that and more so, God desires that for you.

You continue to cherish your relationships with your cousins and friends. It hurt my heart to watch you work to understand why a friend would desert you because you did the right thing. Through it, you learned to embrace other friendships, all the while continuing to extend friendship to the one who wounded you. I have come to realize that I can no longer protect you from the many pains of life. You are going to experience all the bad stuff. We all do. You’ve already been exposed to loss from death and divorce. Life has taken friends from you as they’ve moved away or just chose to distance themselves from you. While I want to protect you from all the pain in this world, I am realizing that the most I can do is prepare you.

The world is going to tell you that God is not the Creator and that His plans are out-of-date. There will be moments that you feel alone and possibly even stupid because of the beliefs that you hold to. Please know that just being a minority does NOT make you wrong. Hold to the truth God has given you in the Bible. When you question it (it is okay to question it), talk about it with those you know love you and have earned your respect. Ultimately, talk to God and study His Word. We serve a God who rewards those who earnestly seek Him. If you ask for wisdom, He will give it to you. My biggest prayer is that you will truly desire God and seek Him with all of your heart.

I can no longer protect you from the pains of the world, but please know, that is my desire. It hurts me to see you hurt. Divorce was not a word I ever wanted you to understand. While I can promise you that your daddy and I will never take this path, you have unfortunately had to come to an understanding that not everyone respects God’s standard that marriage is to be for a lifetime. My eyes still fill with tears when I think of the way your heart broke at the loss of relationship in our lives. You are a girl who loves with her whole heart. People who love big get hurt big. Don’t allow that to squelch your love. It is still worth it to love deeply. In the pain, I hope you will learn the great love God has for you. The love we experience outside of God is flawed and can never fully fill the hole in our hearts. Still, the love we share in our relationships with others gives us a glimpse of what we will experience for eternity. Even when your heart is aching, know love is worth the pain.

Our friends and family chose to purchase a combined birthday gift for you this year. As I knew this would take a big dent out of the presents you received on your special day, I did my best to prepare you for the moment. We discussed the fact that while presents are nice, just the fact that we can have family and friends gather with us to celebrate is present enough. While you agreed, your face still dropped with every person who came to the party empty handed. I knew the surprise would cheer you up in the end but it was hard to watch the disappointment in your face. You encouraged me by your actions, dear daughter. Although you didn’t understand why people who had bestowed gifts on you in the past brought nothing but themselves to celebrate this year, you celebrated in the same fashion. You enjoyed your party and were thrilled in the end. That purple bicycle will always remind me of your character, Nikelle. You are more often than not, a selfless giver and that is more valuable than gold. Thank you for always being willing to share and put others first. It is a rare quality in a person these days.

You have continued to excel in art and had your work displayed at the Rialto for the Children for Peace program this year. We know this is one way God has gifted you. It has been fun to watch you embrace the music of the recorder this year, too. We look forward to seeing the instrument you choose to play in the future and wonder if you will continue to apply yourself with practicing the way you did this year in music class.

As I look back over this past year, I realize that you have changed in so many ways. It is so fun to watch you become the person God created you to be. More than anything, I am struck with the overwhelming truth that you are one of God’s greatest gifts to us. As the firstborn, we are bound to screw you up in big ways. We pray for God’s grace to cover our mistakes and trust you will know that all of our actions come out of our love for you and our God. I thank God for the blessing of having you as a daughter, Nike. It is good to be your mother.

You were made for victory, Nike. When you fear, embrace the truth that God’s spirit gives us power. Whatever the future holds, I pray you will live life loving God and striving to please Him. He gave His life for you. There is no greater love.

Loving you the best I know how,

Mommy

Lead Me- Sanctus Real with lyrics

2011-06-18T20:56:00.000-05:00

I want my teenage self (and my daughters) to know...

2011-06-16T06:50:00.014-05:00

“Spin the Bottle” was not a game we planned on having a conversation with our 9-year-old daughter about. When my husband came upon a reference to the game while reading with her, however, we thought it important to seize the opportunity. I inquired of my daughter as to any knowledge of the game. Satisfied that she was clueless, we proceeded with questioning.

“Should you kiss a boy just because of a game?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why do we kiss someone?”

“I don’t know.”

“Who do you kiss?”

“Daddy”

“Who else do you kiss?”

“I don’t know.”

“Who do I kiss?”

“Daddy”

“You give a kiss to show someone you love them. What would you say if a boy asked you if he could kiss you?”

“Not right now.”

“That’s actually a really good answer.”

Raising three daughters, I constantly want to instill in them the bigger picture. I want their actions to be rooted in pleasing God. It is important to me that my girls are able to think through situations before they encounter them and make appropriate decisions on their own. Too many times, growing up, I would be faced with situations and have to make a decision on the spot. While I realize this cannot be entirely avoided, I desire for them to have done some premeditating so they can confidently make God-pleasing decisions.

Today is the Hearts at Home blog hop. Feel free to join us! This Third Thursday Thought is “If you could go back in time and tell your teenage self one thing, what would you say?”

If I were to have a conversation with my teenage self, I would stress the importance of purity being more than some line we shouldn’t cross. Purity is more than protecting your body. We also need to guard our hearts and minds. The concept of purity is something we all need to know at an early age and carry throughout our lives. It doesn’t stop when we get married. Purity involves the mind, heart and body.

At an early age, there is a lot of pressure to hook up with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Holding hands and kissing and declaring one’s “love” makes you feel as though you belong. It is difficult to feel accepted when everyone else claims a boyfriend or girlfriend and you stand alone. No one wants to be considered an outcast.

I distinctly remember my friends in fourth and fifth grade who were considered a “couple”. Back then it seemed to be an innocent declaration to be “going out”. These days, the stakes seem to be much higher. It is important to me that my children desire to guard their hearts. I want my girls to confidently and boldly make decisions even if it means they will feel alone.

Thankfully, I had parents who protected my innocence and set boundaries for me. Unfortunately, I still had no idea what to do when the situation was staring me in the face and really no clue that purity was more than just preserving my virginity. Purity involves protecting not only our bodies, but our minds and hearts as well.

As a teenager, I was quick to give my heart away. It left me with a broken heart that took years into my marriage to heal. I didn’t guard my heart or my mind when it came to love. As a 16-year-old, my unguarded thoughts ran off into the future. Declarations were made without a commitment in place and sadly, I was left regretting the parts of me I did give away. I did not guard my heart and I paid the price.

Guarding my heart is a lesson I learned the hard way but still need to apply to my life today. Even as a married woman, we can find our thoughts and daydreams running away. It takes work to keep our hearts and minds pure. Too many marriages are shattered by affairs. I have learned that it starts in our thoughts and affections. We need to protect our marriages. We need to train our hearts and minds not to stray.

I may not have learned the bigger definition of purity until many years into my marriage, but my hope is that my girls will learn it at an early age and be saved from a world of hurt and pain. This year, I have a fourth grader. It is a year I distinctly remember friends “going out”. While I want to avoid destroying my daughter’s innocence with a conversation about the inevitable, I also know the importance of having it now. If I don’t teach my daughter about purity, love and sex, she will learn her lessons somewhere less than ideal. I may not be able to have a conversation with my teenage self, but God is giving me an opportunity to have the conversation with my daughters. I want my children to thrive in life and love.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23

Powered by Linky Tools

Click here to add your entry to Heart at Home's Third Thursday Thoughts Blog Hop or read what others would say to their teenage self

Risking Friendship

2011-06-06T08:26:00.024-05:00

Taking risks is really not my thing. I like my feet safely planted on the ground. Security makes me feel good. Expecting the unexpected has never been my cup of tea. I will never be one of those risk takers who receive their 30 seconds of fame. My life will have to be highlighted for doing something other than out-of-the-ordinary.

While I will never hesitate on the edge of jumping out of a plane (because I will never be there in the first place), I identified a risk that I am willing to take. I risk it all for relationships. Love is one of the few things I am willing to lay it all on the line for.

Yesterday I said goodbye to some dear friends. I have been doing life with some of them for just a short while; some for years and some for over a decade. As I did, my mind flashbacked on the past and the many goodbyes I have had to say. Some are less painful than others but all of them shape me. When friends move away, when people cut you out of their life unexpectedly or when the finality of death forces the goodbye, it hurts. Farewells hurt. And in the moment, I find myself hesitant to reach out and make any more friends.

My initial reaction with people is to protect my heart (and the hearts of my family). I think twice before I give any information about my life. Reluctant to make investments that won’t yield a good return, I hold back. Initially, I want to weigh the risks because no one knows what the future holds.

I have watched people live this life unwilling to risk their hearts due to the fear of pain. The worry of rejection make some unwilling to form new friendships. And the pain of death has hit some so hard that the thought of moving forward is unbearable. While I experience the gamut of emotions as well, I know that our inability to know the future will also leave us missing out.

One has to be willing to risk pain if they yearn to experience joy. True friendship can only be found in experiencing and weeding out the traits that don’t measure up. In opening up our hearts and sharing our experiences, we find that others are willing to do the same. It is only when we are found trustworthy that we experience the dependability of a friend. When we love others, we find the devotion and adoration we long for from them. Camaraderie is understood only by those who are willing to take the risk.

Jesus Christ extended his arms on the cross to display His love for us. Yet, all over the world, people reject this greatest demonstration of love. Knowing this, Christ still offers His love. When the risk is taken, we may not always receive the response we desire. The desired response, however, will never come until we take the risk.

“I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love. I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.” – John 15:9-15

Encouraged to be Brave and Bold for Jesus

2011-05-28T11:25:00.041-05:00

Galatians 6:9 reads, “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” And yet, that is usually just how I feel… tired of doing what is good; exhausted with trying to make the right choices; done with making the effort above and beyond. What’s the point? I wonder. Is it really worth it? Will it even matter? Does anyone even care?

It’s easy to get wrapped up in myself and want to quit. Quitting is standard these days anyway. People quit on just about everything… from their diet to their family. Why don’t I? It would be easier, wouldn’t it? “Let’s not get tired of doing what is good.” I repeat it to myself. Those words are uttered in attempt to encourage others but when we don’t see the “harvest of blessing” it just feels easier to give up.

That’s why I was thankful for my friend’s message to me the other day. It wasn’t necessary but it was needed. The reminder to persevere and the hope of blessings yet to come were evident. “Listen around minute 12” were his instructions to me referring to the attached MP3 file (11:43-13:15 to be exact). I listened to my friend’s name being referred to and recognized the reference to our friendship.

I met Mike during our freshman year in high school; in Mr. Lapicki’s Biology class to be exact. Mike was talking about a music group and I got excited. “I love DC Talk!” I responded. His look expressed his confusion and cluelessness as to my reference. I felt stupid and he continued his conversation with his friends about the group, ZZ Top.

When I think of our friendship, I remember feeling awkward about this initial meeting. I recall my dismay in the class we shared, when I raised my hand alone to state that I believed in creation. (Whether anyone else raised their hand or not, I don’t recall for certain. However, I vividly remember feeling alone.). There are memories of the way Mike admired my childhood friend, Janelle, from day one and the joy in seeing their strong marriage today. Rarely, (if ever) do I think about the impact my relationship with God played in my friend’s life.

As I listened to this brief audio clip, I was encouraged. For me, I simply invited a friend of mine to a place I enjoyed going. For him, he saw a girl being brave and bold for Jesus. It wasn’t the only encounter I had in high school that made me appear that way to others.

I’ll never forget the way a pothead stood up for me one Friday afternoon in another class. (He actually wore a baseball cap with an image of weed on it.) I had come to expect the weekly time that almost seemed set aside for “bash on Tristi and her religious beliefs” by my classmates and yes, even my teacher. This boy stood up and spoke on my behalf, “At least she stands up for what she believes in. Which is more than can be said for the rest of you.” While I don't even remember this boy's name, he encouraged me to stand strong in my beliefs.

Somewhere between high school and now, I lost my tenacity to live boldly for my God. Fear has made me shy in speaking of Jesus. What will others think of me? Will they think I'm too pushy? What if they no longer want to do life with me? As I sit back timidly shaking my head, the messages that are opposed to God's Word threaten to deafen His message of Truth. Hanging my head and holding my tongue is not what God called me to do.

"Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because GOD, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31:6 is one of my daughter’s favorite verses. I need it these days… I often feel alone. However, I’m not alone. God is right there with me.

My mind and my emotions are not a good place to locate truth. I may think I know what others think of me but I really don’t. Besides, it doesn’t matter what they think. In the end, I will stand before the only One whose opinion matters. “We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.” – 1 Thessalonians 2:4b

My friend, Mike, reminded me of why it’s worth it to live bold and courageous for our God. In the same way his wife encouraged me to live boldly for God in high school simply by doing it with me, his encouragement inspires me now. It’s my prayer for everyone I love: to experience a growing relationship with God. Life seems so empty without it. With God, however, life has purpose and hope.

We need to encourage each other to do the right thing. It’s easy to find the encouragement in today’s world to take the “easy way out”. Persevering through the trials to develop character is where we need help. Relationships are where we experience it. Live it out daily in gratitude, in love, in word and in action. “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”

Thanks, Mike, for encouraging me. Thank you, friends and family, for doing life with me… especially when the going gets tough. Thank you, God, for giving me hope and purpose and being right there with me through it all.

“See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end.” – Hebrews 3:12-14

Third Thursday Thoughts: Favorite recipe

2011-05-19T06:13:00.006-05:00

Today is this month’s Hearts at Home blog hop. On the third Thursday of every month, I have the opportunity to write on a specific topic and link up with other bloggers and Jill Savage. This Third Thursday’s Thoughts are prompted by the question, “What is your favorite homemade dish? Share your recipe!”

Lasagna, bread, sausage and all the heavy Italian foods are the delicacies served at gatherings with my mom’s side of the family. My husband came from a Swedish family where the foods don’t contain quite as much spice. While my husband didn’t complain about the pasta I served every night in the early years of our marriage, he did request that I at least use a meat sauce. It took some years to combine the meals we enjoyed.

When I served “skinny” pancakes for the first time, my husband was thrilled that I made a Swedish food. Unbeknownst to me, the pancakes that we rolled up log style, topped with syrup and powdered sugar, were a favorite of his as well. The exception was that his family always had lingonberries on hand. Needless to say, these pancakes (I was now educated originated with his ancestors) became a popular meal in our home.

Expectations of this comfort food come on Christmas Eve with my family, Saturday breakfast, Sunday lunch, or even a weeknight dinner. My children beg for the meal and I have heard no complaints about the alterations I gradually made to use whole wheat flour in the recipe. If you are looking for an easy meal that will be enjoyed by all, cook up a package of sausage or bacon and serve it with these pancakes and some fruit on the side to make it complete.

“SKINNY”/SWEDISH PANCAKES
3 eggs
¾ cup flour (I use whole wheat)
1 ¼ cup milk
1 Tablespoon sugar

Beat eggs until thick and yellow. Add milk. Then flour, sugar and salt. Cook over medium-high heat in continually buttered pan. (Melt a pat of butter each time before you add just shy of a ¼ cup of batter to the heated frying pan.) Serve with syrup and/or powdered sugar or with your favorite berries.

SYRUP
2 cups sugar
1 cup water
1 tsp mapeline
Bring water with sugar to a boil. Stir in mapeline and remove from heat.

(Note: I double the recipe for my family of 5 which usually leaves some leftovers)

Do you have a favorite recipe?

Powered by Linky Tools
Click here to join the blog hop and get some great recipe ideas

On Rain and Rainbows

2011-05-17T12:24:00.005-05:00

Check out my friend Kelly's blog today. She has some great insight on the rain and rainbows.

Defeating Soul Search to Victory

2011-05-13T11:52:00.007-05:00

“If I’m honest, I’m feeling defeated lately. That’s if I’m being honest – which I usually don’t do. I’d much rather eat.” These were the words I typed to my friend the other day as she checked in to keep me accountable. She responded with “Can you pinpoint why?” I really couldn’t pinpoint the source of my feeling. It was just a pity place I’ve visited too often to wallow in.

Being faced with this question, I’ve had to do some soul searching. Romans 8 instructs that “...in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” If victory is my truth in Christ, defeat is nothing but a lie. Why, then, am I overwhelmed with a feeling of defeat?

Housework defeats me as I awaken every morning to the same mess I fell asleep in. My scale continues to defeat me after three years of half-hearted effort to overcome. All too often, I watch the backs of those I intentionally invested time and effort in as they walk away and I’m left defeated in relationships. Defeat is a ministry I am passionate about dwindling in numbers. It is the anger I display toward my husband and children when my desperate desire is to reflect my God. The lie I all too easily believe, is due to the everyday factors that I’m just not good enough while I play the comparison game to others.

Author Dee Brestin is doing a study of idolatry at her blog. Three common deep idols she refers to are: control/power, comfort/security, and approval/affirmation. I never really thought much about idolatry in these terms, despite my familiarity with them. My heart sank as I realized defeat is the result of idol worship.

All too easily, I give in to the desires of my flesh. When I’m hungry, I eat. I sleep when I’m tired. If I’m cold, I turn on the furnace. As the seasons grow warmer, I simply switch to the air conditioning. Comfort/security is most certainly, sadly, an idol in my life. Laziness, despite what others see, is my greatest declaration of allegiance.

My need for control/power is revealed daily through my anger. Defeat sets in because I have no control over others. Desperately, I want to make them share my desires in life. I think I know best how others should live and it frustrates me to watch them in opposition to my desires. My aspiration for control/power is revealed in my overbearing response.

While the idol of approval/affirmation is not as blatantly evident in my life, it still exists. I want my relationships and the ministry I am involved in to affirm my efforts. It is important to me that others think highly of me. Defeat is only possible because my efforts strive to please others instead of seeking God’s endorsement.

It is rather disheartening to realize I am giving my allegiance to idols outside of God. Even as I type the words, I struggle to admit that I am worshipping other gods. Each time I say “no” to God and “yes” to these other…gods, I will continue to experience defeat. Victory is found in God alone. Each “yes” I give in response to His requests of me bring me that much closer to my desired feeling of triumph.

“The usual solution is to attack the surface sin - perhaps a better budget, a better diet, or a better alarm clock - but because you have not addressed the deep idol of COMFORT/SECURITY, and allowed God to be your comfort, your security, that idol will cry out when restricted and win.” - Dee Brestin

“For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.” – 1 Corinthians 15:56-58 (NLT)

Focus

2011-05-10T07:49:00.002-05:00

"Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." - Proverbs 4:25-27

A Gift from the Heart

2011-05-09T07:41:00.011-05:00

1# Mom
Written and Illustrated by Nikelle Carlson

My mom is special. She helps me grow. She is special to me. I am her gift from God. She is my model, one of my paths, and my key to life.

I [heart] mom

My mom is in MOPS (Mothers for Preschoolers). She helps us learn about the Lord. She is a Christian, which means she chose to be Jesus’ best friend for life. She reads us books, feeds us, sometimes she is funny, and helps us with our chores.

My mom helps me when I am sick. When I had the stomach flu my mom stayed with me the whole time and helped me feel better. She also helps me in school. When I’m having trouble with my homework, she comes and helps me.

I [heart] Mom (Mother unOrdinary Mosthelpful)

CHAPTER 2 – Jaycie thinks

Mom prays for me when I am scared. Then it helps me feel better. I also get better dreams.

I [heart] mom 2

CHAPTER 3 – The end

Dear Mom,

We hoped you like this book and love us. Give us big hugs when you finish reading this book.

Love,

Nikelle, Jaycie and Ande

We [heart] you

MOM IS THE BEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD (one word each on its own page)

My Mother's Influence

2011-05-07T08:04:00.012-05:00

“She’ll be your best friend one day,” my dad’s voice insisted. Sitting in my parents’ room, forced to stand facing my mom, it was a lecture I’ll never forget. I assume it was my disrespect towards her that warranted his speech. While I only tolerated his words in that moment, they are a truth of our current relationship. Daddy’s approval may have been my life’s objective, but it was (and is) my mother’s influence that shaped me into the person I am today.

It was my mom who taught me to think of others more highly than myself. (I’m still working on this.) At church, mom’s gentle prodding pushed me from my comfort zone to befriend the new kids. Willing to serve wherever there was a need, my mom demonstrated the heart of a servant.

In our family, mom was content to watch dad receive credit for the work she did to make family memories a reality. Always comfortable in the background, mom taught me the importance of sacrifice. She celebrated holidays according to dad’s desires and put the needs of her children always before her own.

While she doesn’t like to take center stage, it is her confidence in taking the platform when necessary that passed on to me. She taught me that any issue of importance to God is worth taking a stand for. Her example showed me that truth and justice are to be sought at any cost.

Mom was willing to do the hard thing. When the words of others neglect to coincide with the Bible, she taught me to question and compare them to God’s Word. Truth is precious to my mom and I learned the power found in Scripture from her.

Her quiet example (and boldness when necessary) taught me the high importance of my relationship with our Savior. A prayer warrior, I am very aware that her cries to God on my behalf have carried me through this life. Unbeknownst to me (until I had children of my own), my mom had the greatest impact on my life.

In the year my dad battled cancer, mom put her life on hold. At his side, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, her actions spoke louder than words. In those moments, my mom lived out Jesus command and the very definition of love. “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” – John 15:12-13

Witnessing mom’s strength (which she readily shared came from her God) in the days following dad’s departure from this earth, brought me to tears. While I knew her pain ran deep, she relied on God to carry her through each day. Rather than get swallowed up in sorrow and pity, mom lived as she always has: serving others.

Mom invests herself two-fold for her children and grandchildren in light of dad’s absence. Heavy with the loss of this key relationship in our lives, she stepped up to live that much more fully for our God. Dropping stories to my girls about their Papa and eternity, my mom serves the same role in their lives as she did in mine. My mom lives to imitate Christ. In turn, her children and grandchildren are left with no denial as to her hope.

The Apostle Paul writes in his second letter to Timothy, “I remember your genuine faith, for you share the faith that first filled your grandmother Lois and your mother, Eunice. And I know that same faith continues strong in you.” As was with Timothy, I pray it will be true of my own daughters as well. Our mothering matters for generations to come.

Mom,
Thank you for your example to me throughout the years. While I continually sought dad’s love and affection, you faithfully offered yours. As I searched for my identity in every direction possible, you lifted prayers on my behalf to the One in whom you knew my search would culminate. I am a Christ-follower today in large part because of your influence. Thank you for teaching me that living for God is something I never need to shy away from. You are irreplaceable in our lives. I love you and thank God for you!
Love,
Tristi

In Jesus Name

2011-05-05T22:23:00.006-05:00

I stood there dumbfounded. Our “friends” who celebrated our wedding just a couple of short years earlier were now in support of an outrageous accusation against us. My husband and I were denied the opportunity to even defend ourselves. In a moment, we were excommunicated from the church of our marriage union.

Trusting anyone in a church setting again took years. Christians are supposed to be known for their love but, in that moment, I felt no love. While there were some who extended their care and concern, the multitude of betrayal blurred the kindness offered by all too few. Hands down, this experience was the most painful, deep and damaging wound inflicted to that date.

Today, however, I am able to thank God for that experience. The pain in my heart was cause to truly seek Him. It was through that specific incident that Christianity became more for me than just head knowledge. The message of 1 Corinthians 13 came alive for me through my heartache. “If I… possessed all knowledge… but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.”

My journey to healing taught me that my allegiance could not be to any group of people. My loyalty was to God alone. (“We must obey God rather than human beings!” – Acts 5:29b) It also became clear to me that Christians will never define Christ. At the same time, Christ should be the reflection of every Christian. (“For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son.” – Romans 8:29)

Turn on the television set and some show, somewhere will have a portrayal of someone claiming to be a follower of Christ. Christians are represented as crazy, self-righteous or just plain ignorant. In the media’s depictions, rarely will you see a sincere example of a true Christian who talks and acts in a manner that honors Jesus Christ.

Claiming to be a Christian does not make it so. All over the world, people are talking and acting in the name of Jesus. The problem is just that: it is all simply talk with a big act. Too many claim the label of Christianity with no willingness to follow Christ’s example. People, too often, declare that they are a reflection of our God only to bring Him shame.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” – John 13:18.

Christ-followers are flawed examples of their risen Savior. While God will not let me down, humans will. Christians are not perfect. They are saved by grace, the same as me. God knows we’ll screw up. We are far from perfect. The mark of a Christian, however, is repentance, forgiveness and grace.

“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” – Philippians 2:1-8

Please, if you choose to wear the name of Jesus, wear it well.

The Apostle Paul's Words on My Struggle

2011-05-04T09:19:00.009-05:00

"I don't really understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I can't. I do what I don't want to - what I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience proves that I agree with these laws I am breaking. But I can't help myself because I'm no longer doing it. It is sin inside me that is stronger than I am that makes me do these evil things.

I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn I can't make myself do right. I want to but I can't. When I want to do good, I don't; and when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. Now if I am doing what I don't want to, it is plain where the trouble is: sin still has me in its evil grasp.

It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love to do God's will so far as my new nature is concerned; but there is something else deep within me, in my lower nature, that is at war with my mind and wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. In my mind I want to be God's willing servant, but instead I find myself still enslaved to sin.

So you see how it is: my new life tells me to do right, but the old nature that is still inside me loves to sin. Oh, what a terrible predicament I'm in! Who will free me from my slavery to this deadly lower nature? Thank God! It has been done by Jesus Christ our Lord. He has set me free!

- Romans 7:15-25 (The Living Bible)

Dummy?

2011-05-03T07:27:00.008-05:00

I feel like a dummy.

While watching The Amazing Race with my husband the other night, I could identify with the buried mannequin. On the show, teams worked a staged rescue from an avalanche. As I watched them pull half the dummy still needing to unbury the other half of the body, I felt like that suffocating dummy.

My life gives me the feeling of being buried alive. Some days I think I will never dig out. Every day I am so overwhelmed by the tasks at hand that I don’t even know where to begin.

So often, I feel defeated, unable to even attempt to make a little progress somewhere. Feeling like a failure is one of the many lies I have fallen prey to. I remind others of the Truth, so why is it such a struggle to believe it myself?

Today I am working to overcome the lies. My prayer today is that God will help me to quit believing the lies and start basking in the Truth of His Word. Truth is a key step toward overcoming this suffocating feeling. Seeking help from God goes hand in hand.

I am not a helpless dummy.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." ~ John 8:32

"I waited patienty for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry." ~ Psalm 40:1

I'll Always be Daddy's Little Girl

2011-04-27T07:21:00.002-05:00

“Daddy’s Little Girl” is a title for which most little girls yearn. I know I certainly did. As a young child, I often climbed up into my daddy’s lap in search of his love. It was a privilege to ride tall above the others on his shoulders. Whether at the dinner table or in the church pew, I claimed the seat directly next to him. When the cards I picked or the poems I wrote left him struggling with his emotions, I found myself pleased. I craved my daddy’s time, attention, love and even his tears.

The annual trips we took as a family to the zoo and amusement park gave me an opportunity to claim my daddy for myself. Completely secure in his love, I would go between my parents and separate their interlocked fingers until I stood between them. I wasn’t content until I was the one walking hand in hand with my dad. His rough hands, calloused from long hard hours of labor in construction, left me feeling valued and secure as they enveloped mine. Holding his hand was my declaration to the world that I belonged to him. I was always very proud to be “Daddy’s Little Girl” and wonder, at times, if he cherished our moments together even more.

There is a special bond between a little girl and her daddy. Moreover, I believe that a little girl’s view of God can be deeply rooted in her opinion of her earthly father. Thankfully, as I was seeking my daddy’s love and acceptance, he was seeking God. On Sunday mornings, my dad would sit at the dining room table with his coffee and his Bible. To this day, I can still hear his voice singing out his favorite hymns in praise to God. As I filter through my childhood memories, I value the way my dad exemplified a relationship with God. For all too soon, I would come to grasp the impact of his example in my life.

My world altered drastically the night the doctor called to confirm the diagnosis. While my dad accepted it a little too easily, I refused to believe it. Could I even imagine life without my dad? Over the next year, I watched as the body he prided himself in keeping so physically fit deteriorated. The last time I held my daddy’s hand, it was that of a man whose body was ridden with cancer. As I felt his strong calloused hands for the final moment, I was overcome by just how much it meant to be secure in his love. While “the strongest man in the world” was ripped from me because of a disease we never saw coming, there was still a comfort in knowing my identity stood secure.

I am no longer able to seek approval from the father who raised me. However, in my greatest loss, I have found my richest treasure: it was God’s unconditional love and approval I should have been seeking all along. The determination I had to win my dad’s heart was a pathway to a relationship much more important. No matter how old I get, where I go or what I do, I can be secure in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. All my desires, longings and cravings need to rest in God alone.

I firmly believe that my temporary relationship with my earthly father gave me just a glimpse of my eternal relationship with my Heavenly Father. Every time I seek God’s time, attention, love and approval, my heart is flooded with the knowledge that He cherishes our moments together even more. I want to declare to the world that I belong to Him! Being God’s child, I am forever secure in my identity as “Daddy’s Little Girl”.

“God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure.” [emphasis added] ~ Ephesians 1:5 (NLT)

A Lenten Lesson

2011-04-26T08:23:00.010-05:00

I’ve been contemplating my experience with giving up desserts for Lent this year. While I did avoid desserts technically, I also found that I am really good at making excuses for exceptions. Pop Tarts were justified even in the evening because they are a breakfast choice, a piece of candy was allowable because I wouldn’t normally eat it as a dessert, and banana bread... obviously is bread... not dessert.

This season taught me that I easily make excuses as to why I don’t live the best life God desires for me. It’s sad really. Jesus Christ gave His life for me and I want to make excuses as to why I won’t keep a commitment I made out of my own free will.

More often than not, I did choose to turn down desserts in the days leading up to Easter. I passed on cake and other delicacies while avoiding the binge foods I find myself craving all too often. Most of the time, I made the conscious choice that I was giving up these choice foods for a greater reason. I was reminded to rely on and lean on God to give me the strength to say “no” to something I seem to lack the willpower to do on my own. And in those moments I justified eating a bowl of cereal in place of a dessert, I have learned about myself and the areas I need to change.

Giving up something for Lent is a matter of personal choice. As far as I’m aware, there isn’t anything in the Bible that dictates this practice. That, in and of itself, left me finding wiggle room in my choices that allowed my conscience to temporarily justify and make exceptions. Overall, I learned that all too often desserts (as well as so many other things) are helping me escape and avoid the unnecessary all the while helping me to escape and avoid my true desire for God as well.

My friend, Lisa, posted about her experience with giving up the computer for Lent. Here’s what she had to say: “I have found that I use it, like people use TV, shopping, or working out...to ESCAPE! Reading posts, viewing photos, surfing through etsy, and my own writing allows me to leave the chaos of life behind for awhile. However, I think at times I was also using technology to AVOID. There is quite a difference between those two words, escape and avoid. We all need to escape once in a while, but not avoid what might surround us in our day to day lives. Whether it was screaming kids, laundry, dinner, a looming doctors visit, a workout, or other unpleasant chores, I could put them on hold, if only for a little while. But my need to escape or avoid, whichever way you look at it, was only causing bigger problems, no time to get those necessary things done.”

She said it perfectly. I escape and avoid everything in life with anything possible… including food. Every time I found myself desiring some delectable dessert, I was faced with the question as to what my real desire was. Rarely, am I truly desiring dessert. I’ve simply created a habit that seems to temporarily allow me to escape… or avoid. Lent has opened my eyes further to the fact that I need to seek God in those moments I find myself reaching for food, flipping on the television or turning to the computer.

I need to utilize these negative responses as positive triggers… to turn my eyes on Jesus. My understanding behind the purpose of Lent is to prepare our hearts and minds for reflection on what Christ did for us. The life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ are something we should constantly be living in light of. Therefore, the season of Lent should spur us on to change, not just during the days leading up to Easter, but rather, as inspiration for how we live life each day.

“And [Jesus] said, ‘The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.’ Then He said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?’ – Luke 9:22-25

Third Thursday Thoughts: Miracles

2011-04-21T06:45:00.000-05:00

Today I am participating in a blog hop with Hearts at Home. On the third Thursday of every month, I have the opportunity to write on a specific topic and link up with other bloggers and Jill Savage. This Third Thursday’s Thoughts are prompted by the question, “Have you experienced any miracles in your life?”

I cannot tell you how desperately I wish I could tell a story here about the way God healed my dad from cancer… but I can’t. While my dad is no longer suffering from cancer, it was not through the miracle I had hoped and prayed for. Dad is whole now only because he is with Jesus.

Just 3 months later, light came in a dark moment that will forever remind me that God truly works in miraculous ways. Unprepared to face death all over again, we said goodbye to my unconscious father-in-law. The next morning, fully prepared to see his lifeless body and begin funeral preparation, I walked my girls in to be greeted by their Grandpa’s smile as he spoke their names. Our Heavenly Father graced us with a miracle of bonus days to cherish before our final goodbye.

There is another moment, when I think of miracles, that my mind immediately flashbacks to. When I was a kid, our family dogs went missing. After 4 long days, my family gathered around the dining room table to pray for their return. The miracle of the reunion with our cherished pets was a lesson in the power of prayer that I’ve carried with me through life.

While these moments remind me that our God truly does work miracles, I am impressed with the reality that the biggest miracle in my life may not even resonate as a miracle to anyone other than my husband and me. Every time we hear another heartbreaking story of a marriage falling apart, I am reminded to lift up a prayer of thanksgiving for the miracle God performed in mine.

The first five years of our marriage were plain hard. Married just a year after my graduating class’s pomp and circumstance from high school, I heard the whispers of the mistake we were making. We dated for a short 6 months followed by a quick 6 month engagement. It was a union that, to outsiders, seemed to happen way too quickly. In the years to come, I cast blame all too easily on my 7-year-older husband for all of my unhappiness in our marriage.

Young and insecure, I entered our relationship with a broken heart that hadn’t had time to heal. All of my friends were enjoying the prime of their college life as I played house with this man. While he was my best friend on that day of wedded bliss, I couldn’t even convince myself a couple years into it that someone hadn’t held a gun to my head. It really is sad how all the reasons we choose our spouse get blurred when the going gets tough.

Financial stress didn’t help matters much and our biggest problem has always been miscommunication. Adjusting to combining our families of origin and all the traditions and expectations that came with it was overwhelming. Depression took over my soul as we found ourselves living as roommates, all the while, I thought, putting on a happily married show in public.

A friend of mine invited us to FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember. We went having no idea what to expect. I don’t remember much of that weekend outside of the comment my friend made in a moment when the two of us were alone. “You don’t seem to like him much.” I was caught off guard and my response was a flood of tears. It was time to face the truth.

My husband and I started getting real with one another. We shared the hidden secrets of our hearts. The fears of coexistence, for life in a marriage, forever lacking the passionate love we so desperately desired, came to the surface. We made changes in our lives but it was a gradual process that I cannot even pinpoint today. While I cannot give anyone a step-by-step process as to how to save a marriage, I do know God worked a miracle in mine.

In a small book entitled God Things Come in Small Packages, I read words that penetrated my heart of stone. “God often has to do open-heart surgery in us and replace a calloused heart with one that trusts and risks everything for the sweet reward of love and life.” I remember sitting as tears flooded my eyes and I surrendered my heart to God’s plan for my life.

I quit focusing on everything that was so blaringly in need of change with my husband and I began to allow God to change me. The One-Who-Performs-Miracles once again had access to my hardened heart. Slowly, I began to feel again. Little by little, I was able to see the positive in my husband as I took my focus off of him and placed my focus on who God wanted me to become.

While God transformed me, I had no idea that my husband was doing anything to work on our marriage. Years later, I learned that my husband petitioned God to save our marriage. As I was falling deeper and deeper into darkness, my husband was fasting and begging God for a miracle. This man I married because of his love for God, captured my heart with his response to our deteriorating marriage.

We will be married for 15 years this summer and I am continually reminded that the survival of my marriage was nothing short of a miracle. I can honestly say today that a life without my husband is not one I can imagine nor would I want to. We overcame a failing union because God performs miracles.

In the pit, God took my heart of stone and gave me life again. God works miracles all the time. Sometimes we just need to be willing to open our hearts to allow the miracles to happen and open our eyes to be witness.

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” ~ Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)

Powered by Linky Tools

Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list...

Our Firm Foundation

2011-04-19T07:24:00.001-05:00

I remember the songs we sang as kids in Sunday School engraining the truths of God’s Word in our hearts and minds. Luke 6:47-49 was embedded into our souls with a little song as we motioned with our fists. “The wise man built his house upon the rock. The wise man built his house upon the rock. The wise man built his house upon the rock and the rains came tumbling down. The rains came down and the floods went up. The rains came down and the floods went up. The rains came down and the floods went up. And the house on the rock stood firm.” It was fun to sing about the foolish man because we were able to slap our hands hard together declaring that his house upon the sand went “splat”! However, the message of the song was clear: the only foundation firm enough to build your life upon is the Lord Jesus Christ.

In today’s world, where God is only acknowledged in flippant phrases or cursing, it can be lonely to establish this foundation not only for our children but for ourselves. When “what’s right for you is right for you” and “what’s right for me is right for me”, how can anyone stand firm on anything these days?

Who determines what is right or wrong in any given situation? Author Josh McDowell in his book, Right from Wrong states that, “There is an absolute righteous God and we must compare our attitudes and actions to Him and His word to determine whether our actions are right or wrong. His Word gives us specific and absolute guidelines as to the rightness or wrongness of our attitudes and actions.”

It is extremely important to embrace strong moral standards as a parent. As Carol Kuykendall in Five Star Families stresses, “We can’t pass on something we ourselves don’t have”.

“The most powerful tool [we possess as a positive mom] is holding God’s values in higher esteem than the world’s” Karol Ladd reminds us in The Power of a Positive Mom. “The standards set forth in Scripture are not just a set of rules and regulations, but instructions for a joyful and fulfilling life.” ~ Karol Ladd

Running and Relying

2011-04-13T06:57:00.010-05:00

I'm in my final week of training before the Rockdale Ramblin 10K... and I've got a head cold. Thankfully, mileage the week before a race always tapers. Now, I'm just hopeful I can breathe come Saturday. (Not to mention my request of God for no rain just for the hour of the race - a wet 50 degrees just won't be fun).

I managed to get up and out of bed first thing in the morning to get my miles in both days that I needed to this week. Monday and today I had "short" runs of 3 and 2 miles. Both days I found myself praying for God to help me get through the run (actually I pray this prayer every time I run). As I continued to send up the same prayer over and over again, I came to a realization.

I run because it helps me feel better about myself. If I'm honest, the main reason I run is probably because I get to eat a little bit more without putting on more pounds. Currently, I've been running because I cannot complete a 10K without training. With the race almost behind me, I am faced with the question of whether or not I will make this a habit or go back to making excuses once again.

The realization I was hit with as I cried out to God was that I need to run because it draws me closer to Him. I can't recall a time I've run where I haven't spent time in prayer. Even when it is simply a cry for the run to end. Running teaches me to rely on Him. The discipline required as well as the aches and pains and my feeling of defeat remind me that I need to keep my eyes on God. While running is a small discipline I am learning, it reminds me of a bigger picture.

I'll continue running because it reminds me of my need to rely on God... for everything.

Soldier of God by Nikelle Carlson

2011-04-07T10:51:00.010-05:00

As I was sorting through papers today, I found "A Story of Being God's Friend: SOLDIER OF GOD" written by Nikelle.

She writes:

Dedicated to Dad, God's best friend

Being a best friend to God is like having a party for your whole life. Whenever you become God's friend, the angels are having a party for you. I am a friend of God, and I know what it feels like. I know that I am protected. I chose to admit and believe and it feels great. Now I want to tell the world about God. Now, when I'm in big tests, like I'm in the ISAT, I know there is nothing to worry about. God is your master, and you need to obey his word. Pray for people you don't know and be friends to your enemies. Do not use God's name in vain. Follow the ten commandments. Obey your parents. Become a christian, just like me. Then you will become a Soldier of God.

It's a wonderful surprise to get a peak into my daughter's heart as I'm sorting through papers.

Running the Race

2011-04-05T08:17:00.004-05:00

I’m signed up to run a 10K in less than 2 weeks. I’ve kept on track with the 8-week training schedule but I’m still anxious. There was a time in my life that I thought completing a mile would be impossible, let alone “the toughest 10K in the Midwest”. The race seems rather intimidating but I will stay on course and finish the race.

Running any kind of miles is never truly at the top of my priority list. I dread getting on the treadmill or even going outside. That’s why I made the commitment to this race. Personally, I need a goal to strive for or I all too easily make excuses to blow off exercise entirely. Setting a goal gives me something specific to aim for.

One thing I realize as I’m running is that I tend to focus too much on the path directly in front of me. If I’m on the treadmill, my eyes watch the numbers work ever so slowly up to the moment I can declare completion. If I’m on a trail, I watch for obstacles to avoid and stay overly focused on where I am. When I’m tired, my eyes naturally go to my feet. I have learned that I need to be intentional with focusing on where I need to be instead of where I am. The run doesn’t feel quite as overwhelming that way. When I choose a focal point on the course ahead of me, it’s easier to persevere to the end. Envisioning the finish line is the best way to stay on course.

Running has helped me to understand life a little bit better. I now have tangible pictures of perseverance in my mind because of the endurance training I have completed. When I think about the mess my life is in at a current moment, I remember that the race is often easier if I keep my focus on the finish line. I can feel like I am drowning in life when I focus on the here and now. It is only when I keep my eyes on Jesus and eternity that the intimidation of today dissipates and I can continue the race.

“We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back. Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God's throne. Think about Jesus' example. He held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him. So do not get tired and stop trying.” – Hebrews 12:1-3 (NCV)

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” – 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (NIV)

“I do not mean that I am already as God wants me to be. I have not yet reached that goal, but I continue trying to reach it and to make it mine. Christ wants me to do that, which is the reason he made me his. Brothers and sisters, I know that I have not yet reached that goal, but there is one thing I always do. Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead, I keep trying to reach the goal and get the prize for which God called me through Christ to the life above.” – Philippians 3:12-14 (NCV)

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me—the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing.” - 2 Timothy 4:7-8 (NLT)

Scarred

2011-04-04T13:30:00.003-05:00

Recently, I have been recalling a memory from my childhood that is somewhat fuzzy. While the memory does not come clearly into focus, I remember sitting on our family’s sofa as my mom tended to my bloody knee. From what I recall, my mom was overgenerous in her offering of Fudgesicles as she worked to clean my wound caused by a bicycle accident.

When I was a kid, the child’s seats attached to a parent’s bike were slightly different than those of today. This one had metal handlebars with a somewhat rectangular shaped seat. My brother (who is just 1-year and 2-days older than me) and I were both placed in the same seat intended for a single rider. After conferring with my mom, I think the picture was that of me sitting behind him hugging his waist as though we are both riding on a motorcycle. My mom thinks that my legs must have been sticking out straight (rather than nicely bent like my brother) so we could both fit. This was the position I was in when the bike spun out and my knee caught the worst of the accident in the gravel.

I like to recall this story to harass my mom a bit about where her thought process was prior to the bike ride. When I’m working through my food and weight issues, this memory comes to mind so I can pass the buck. While the main reason for reminiscing on this moment is the scar I know bare. I eagerly shared the story with a smile, just the other day, when my 2-year-old inquired as to its existence in front of my mom.

The scar stories we can tell with a smile reveal healing. It’s the stories of our scars that we want to keep hidden that bring us tears and pain and leave us feeling quite alone. I have those kinds of scars too: rejection, alienation, betrayal, broken dreams, a broken heart, loss, etc. The list is long for each of us.

At church yesterday, we began a new series entitled “Scar”. The gist of it, from my understanding, is that we are all scarred. We are all messed up and we need to face or scars in order to achieve the healing God desires for us. God can use us most when our scars are uncovered.

“Everyone has scars. No one runs the human race scar-free. No one.” My heart resounded in agreement as my pastor spoke. Too many times we think we can only come to God after we’ve cleaned up our life. The truth is that God wants us to come to him just the way we are. He doesn’t want us to attempt to hide our scars. Our scars are where Jesus desires to use us greatly. Jesus understands scars better than anyone.

“That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! ‘Peace be with you,’ he said. As he spoke, he showed them the wounds in his hands and his side. They were filled with joy when they saw the Lord!” - John 20:19-20 (NLT)

Jesus’ scars give us reason for joy. Because of Jesus, we are more than a mess; we are now a redeemed mess. We need to keep our focus on Jesus’ scars.
“But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” - Isaiah 53:5 (NLT)
While my list of scars runs deeper than a wounded knee, I don’t have to attempt to cover up my scars. Jesus already did.

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

2011-04-01T08:26:00.012-05:00

It is my practice to decline invitations to parties where I don't know many people. I feel awkward and don't like the person I become in those types of situations. More often than not, however, I realize that much of what I appreciate about my life arrived after a journey through uncomfortable. With that in mind, I'm joining the Ultimate Blog Party 2011!

It was almost 4 years ago that I started blogging as a way to cope with my dad's battle with cancer. I was able to express my thoughts in writing and have a central source for people to get updates on my dad. In all honesty, a blog seemed like the perfect, safe place for me to express myself in written word without the risk of rejection.

The central theme of my blog came from a conversation with some of my friends about our identity. Something didn't sit right with me as I listened to my friends expose themselves as "mom" or "wife". What would happen to my identity if God forbid, I ever lost those titles?

Thankfully, I came to the conclusion that my identity stood secure in God alone. On February 27, 2008, my dad met His Maker and I started on my ultimate journey through uncomfortable. My dad's death rocked my world and taught me lessons I never realized needed to be learned (and I'm still learning).

While I can seek my approval, security, love and acceptance in many people, there is only One will will never disappoint. That is the center of my writing for that is the center of my soul. I am continually seeking my identity as "A Child of God".

This blog is simply my honest compilation of struggles and joys from a girl seeking Her God. My heart's desire is that as God is teaching me, He can somehow teach others as well. I will gladly journey through the uncomfortable for on the other side God shows me He is the one who satisfies all my desires!

Intentional Parenting

2011-04-01T08:05:00.018-05:00

I follow Jill Savage's blog regularly. Jill is the Founder of Hearts at Home. This ministry has been instrumental in making me comfortable in my own skin as a mother and a wife. Jill is honest and open about her own mistakes, reminding me that I am not alone. On her blog today, she is linking up to the Ultimate Blog Party 2011. She is also giving away copies of Hearts at Home books every day (April 1-8). For an opportunity to win her book, My Heart's at Home, all I need to do is leave a comment of one thing I do intentionally as a mom. My mind is drawing a blank. Maybe it is because I am too focused on what she does intentionally that I just can’t focus on my own mothering. Jill says: “I’ll share first…I intentionally try to listen with my eyes. Sometimes it’s hard to make it happen, but I try to stop what I’m doing, look at my husband or son or daughter, and listen with both my ears and my eyes.” That is truly intentional parenting.

There have to be many things I do intentionally. Otherwise, I better reexamine my mothering. I know I am intentional about getting my girls to bed at a decent hour. Making time with grandparents and other extended family is something I’ve always been intentional in implementing. It is important to me to protect their innocence and allow them to just be kids. When their birthdays come around each year, I am intentional about celebrating them and writing a letter to give them when they are older. I know I attempt to be intentional in my parenting. So why is it haunting me that I’m not doing enough?

Whatever comment I thinking of writing as my attempt at intentional parenting seems to be lacking. I know my desire for my children when they are adults. My prayer is that my girls would live in relationship with God. When I talk to my God about my girls I express my desire for them to live in grateful response to all He has done for them. It’s my prayer for my own life as well. Maybe what I do intentionally is parent with thought of the future. While there are moments that I parent with no thought of tomorrow, I do my best to always remember the reason these girls are on loan to me from God. I am to raise them so they can fulfill His purpose for their lives. I want them to be women after God’s own heart. I want them to love Him with their whole heart, soul, mind and strength and I want them to love others.

Being a good mom is more than just making sure they are happy. My goal cannot be to have them view me as their best friend. I can’t simply compete for their heart (it’s a loss anyway as all three of them are daddy’s little girl). Parenting is more than just making sure they receive a good education or achieve their personal best in sports or other activities. 3 John 1:4 sums it up for me. “There is no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in the truth.” I am intentional in parenting with the thought of their future on my mind.

It’s a good question to answer: What is one thing you do intentionally as a parent?

Comfort in the Uncomfortable

2011-03-22T07:28:00.004-05:00

Uncomfortable hardly begins to describe the way I feel. My stomach is uneasy. I watch my hands shake in trepidation. Fear has consumed me. I dread the criticism but hope for approval. It would have been better to remain in my happy place. Wouldn’t it?

I don't like to feel this way. Whenever possible, I avoid it at all costs. In spite of that, I know the unpleasant is often necessary.

My stomach feels uncomfortable when I choose not to indulge its every desire.

The aches of my body make me question the importance of my fitness goal.

Confronting my friend about a topic I know to be essential can be difficult.

I know I need to go there but I’d rather experience the comfortable. It is here that goals remain unaccomplished. Dreams will never be realized. Success will always be something left to attain.

Feeling a little awkward can lead to great benefits. Being ill at ease does not mean the outcome will be substandard. I just need to convince myself of that.

I witness pounds drop on the scale.

I complete a race once thought impossible.

My friendship deepens.

Sometimes, in order to achieve our desired result, we have to walk through the desert. During the course of the storm, we find our strength. Giants can be conquered if we struggle through the battle. Instead of staying comfortable in my happy place, it may be time to accept the challenges, take on the complicated and experience what victory truly tastes like.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." ~ Romans 5:3-5 (NLT)

Revolutionizing My Example

2011-03-16T09:28:00.001-05:00

I heard the phrase once and claimed it for myself that “I’m not yelling. I’m Italian. This is how we talk.” It gets a few laughs and casually excuses my lack of self-control. Unfortunately, when I look in the mirror of my children, I realize my response pattern is in no way a laughing matter. As Karol Ladd states in her book, The Power of a Positive Mom, “Like it or not, our life is an open book, continually read by the little eyes in our homes.”

I went into this year’s Hearts at Home conference this past weekend with a picture of my defiant 2-year-old daughter in my mind. My little girl will cross her arms as she places a scowl on her face and looks crossly down at the carpet and exclaims “I not pick up the toys!” She often yells at her sisters in an attempt to convince them to do what she desires. When they do not respond in agreeable fashion, she will yell louder and meaner hoping to get her point across. I often think about how exasperated I am with her behavior and realize that, sadly, I am looking into a mirror.

It is commonplace for me to attempt to diffuse fights between my girls or discipline through a strong, authoritative voice (read: yelling). When that does nothing to achieve my desired results, I raise my voice thinking the louder and meaner I yell; the more likely they are to obey. Dr. Julianna Slattery in her workshop, “More Than a Spanking?” shared how yelling is compared to the new spanking as we act out in frustration towards our children. “Yelling is the #1 source of guilt with moms as we realize how ineffective we are.” She spoke a message straight to my heart as I continued to look in the mirror of my angry 2-year-old knowing that she simply lives out the example she sees every day in me.

Jill Savage spoke about revolutionizing our motherhood. That was the theme of the conference this year. She shared that “God can revolutionize our mothering one wrong choice at a time.” It is in our wrong choices that we see a need for change. “As we own our wrong choices, we can move forward.” Jill brought her mother, daughter and granddaughter on the stage with her to stress the reason as to why we should revolutionize our mothering. Seeing the generations there on the stage, I heard her say, “The decision you and I make as moms effect generations to come!” As we look into the mirror of our children every day, we need to remember her next point, “Our children are our message that we send to a world we cannot see.” There certainly is power in our example.

Good Intentions, Goals and Dreams

2011-03-15T07:21:00.012-05:00

We all have good intentions, goals and dreams. The good intentions seem never ending. Goals help those good intentions evolve into deadlines to accomplish something specific. The dreams are more than good intentions. Dreams are hope that one day we will set a goal but hesitate because they seem a bit unattainable at times.

I have good intentions every day to eat healthy, exercise more, and lose weight. These intentions are rather vague and I really don’t have a good standard to measure them against other than that terrible scale. This year, however, I set a goal to run a 10K on April 16th. I printed out a training schedule to help me achieve that goal and am happy to say that I am on track with that goal. My dreams are another story. Sometimes I don’t even fully define them. I just know they are out there almost unreachable.

I’m usually reminded of my dreams when I attend the Hearts at Home conference each year. Women speaking, writing or even turning their passions into tangible product to sell to others, leave me believing I can do the same. I feel a little spark while I’m away and the ideas spin in my mind of goals to help reach those dreams… until I get home. Then the dream fizzles a bit although it’s always out there hovering overhead almost taunting me.

Some blogs I have been following lately are promoting the She Speaks conference. It sounds like a conference I would like to attend some day. It’s one of those sparks that makes me admit I have a dream I’d like to reach one day. Yet reality seems all too real and I don’t even take a step toward the fuzzy hopes of what I’d one day like to achieve. Renee Swope, with Proverbs 31 Ministries is offering a Cecil Murphy Scholarship for women who want to lead.

My dream has yet to be defined. There are bits of leading, writing, and speaking drifting out in my thoughts. Someday I will pinpoint my dream and make it a goal. For now, it’s still a dream.

Here's to an Intentional Lenten Season

2011-03-10T10:33:00.011-06:00

Fat Tuesday. Ash Wednesday. Lent. Growing up, I had no idea what these words meant. I didn’t understand why my friends didn’t eat meat on Fridays. Even as an adult, I almost told someone they had dirt on their forehead until it dawned on me that it was Ash Wednesday.

As I got older, I inquired of friends as to why they practiced what they did. I learned about all of these days connected to the days leading up to Easter and realized that those who could explain the reasoning behind their actions followed this practice intentionally and with meaning. My attitude towards the Lenten season changed from “Aren’t we supposed to live this way every day anyway?” to “Maybe I should give something up to strengthen my faith and teach me to lean on God a little more during this season.”

I noticed my 8-year-old looking intently at someone with the cross of ashes on their forehead yesterday. As we were driving in the car, I thought I would use the moment to educate her on something I didn’t understand until I was an adult. After explaining to her about Ash Wednesday and Lent, she had a question.

“Mom?”

“Yes, Nikelle.”

“What is the best kind of gum to blow a bubble with?”

My husband and I just laughed. I suppose we aren’t always ready to receive the lessons we are taught.

“That’s a blog post right there,” my husband stated.

“What? Where?” our 5-year-old Jaycie wanted to know what she was missing out on. Laughting at the situation, I listened to my 2-year-old demand more gum and continued to contemplate the season of Lent.

While I am supposed to daily take up my cross, deny myself and follow Christ, I don’t always do that. I think Lent could be an intentional season to prepare my heart for remembering the reason behind Christ’s death and the celebration of His resurrection. What I have learned is that whatever I decide to give up (or possibly even add to my life) during this season, it needs to be intentional. There needs to be a desire to lean on God and deepen my relationship with Him. I cannot follow this practice because a church tells me to or because everyone else is doing it. Rather it should be entered into with the same mindset of a fast. For a season, I will step up my commitment to God to remind me that I can never give up enough for Him.

When someone has given their life for me, I can never show my gratitude enough. I can continue to offer up offerings in an effort to display my thankfulness but I will always be in His debt and forever grateful. I think there is something to be said for the practice of Lent. Maybe as a reminder of how we should live every day. What are your thoughts?

“Then he said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” ~ Luke 9:23-25

(I was also contemplating the practice of declaring to others what we give up for lent. “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” (Matthew 6:16-18) The only reason I can figure for declaring this then would be for accountability. Therefore, it should be intentional when shared not just a declaration for the purpose of the season.)

Get Back Up Again

2011-03-08T08:36:00.011-06:00

When my girls were learning how to walk, we encouraged them to get back up every time they fell. When they try new things and we watch them get discouraged, we try to explain to them the importance of giving it another try. We want what is best for our children and sometimes that means allowing them to fall down and encouraging them to get back up.

Last year as my oldest was learning how to ride her bike. I was tempted to allow her to quit trying because it was what I wanted to do as well. Bettering our lives takes a lot of work. I knew it was in her best interest to keep trying. When she finally started to catch on, she wiped out on her bike. I knew the importance of getting her back up on that bike right away. It's always worth getting back up again.

I was on my treadmill yesterday after dinner because I made a commitment for a race in April. Without this commitment, I would have blown off my treadmill once again. I did not want to run last night but when "Get Back Up" by tobyMac came on my iPod, I became energized with the reminder that it is all about getting back up again. I'm going to stumble and be tempted to stay down. With each step I take, there is a great chance that I will likely fall down again. I need to remember that I'm not failing until I decide it is no longer worth it to get back up again.

Meditate on it

2011-03-04T17:19:00.002-06:00

"So I have learned this rule: When I want to do good, evil is there with me. In my mind, I am happy with God's law. But I see another law working in my body, which makes war against the law that my mind accepts. That other law working in my body is the law of sin, and it makes me its prisoner. What a miserable man I am! Who will save me from this body that brings me death? I thank God for saving me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" ~ Romans 7:21-25

Imperfect Parenting at its Best

2011-03-01T07:41:00.014-06:00

How is it that one little wrong choice can make me feel lousy about the other 99% of my day? I can go throughout the day feeling good about my choices, thinking that I am a fairly good wife and mother, make healthy choices, exercise and clean the house. Then one little mess up will leave me in a world of guilt, speaking negatively to myself and wondering if I will ever change.

Yesterday was one of those days (I suppose minus the healthy eating if I’m honest – but I still felt good about the day). I took my youngest girls to lunch with my daughter’s preschool friend, spent the day doing profitable activities without the television blaring in the background and utilized naptime to exercise and pray. Rather than wasting time after school wandering mindlessly around my house wondering how much longer until my husband finally walks in the door, my girls and I organized their closets. It was one of those days I felt like repeating over again… until that moment.

Once we were done in the girls room (it had taken a little bit longer than I anticipated), I realized my middle daughter would be disappointed that she missed her favorite television program. To solve the problem, I decided we would just leave the television off (PBS only would be broadcasting for another half hour anyway). My 8-year-old daughter came down and asked if she could turn it on. I informed her that we were just going to leave it off today. A few seconds later, I heard my 5-year-old crying and yelling that she wanted to watch TV. (Arrrggghh!)

This is my moment of shame. The moment where I decided to let the venom flow from my mouth and spew all over my children. I knew it was the wrong choice immediately because we all know how untrue the little chant “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” is. Why is it I can’t take the words back that I speak or at least stop and think before it’s too late? I can attempt to cover the evil with sound reasoning (at least to my ears) but I can't get past the truth of the sin in my life that my words revealed.

I feel like I will never gain self-control in my life. I know this is a lie. Self-control is a Fruit of the Spirit and therefore, can be attained. I simply fail daily in some area of my life where self-control would lead to victory and end up feeling like a loser (which I know is another lie).

It was too late to take back my words. They were spoken and they caused my oldest daughter pain. I was now faced with another choice. Did I attempt to justify my words and condone in my head why it was legitimate for me to act like a jerk? Or did I take the moment to confess my sin and ask for forgiveness from my daughter and from God? There was only one choice to make to redeem my day. One choice that could pull me out of the pit I had jumped into.

I talked to my oldest and asked for her forgiveness. After some tears (and letting go of a lot of guilt on my part), I received forgiveness and realized God can use my imperfection for His good. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.’ So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ's power can live in me.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NCV)

My Tears in His Bottle

2011-02-27T19:26:00.025-06:00

Home videos and reminiscing through family photos have a way of reminding me of the way…

…I miss his voice.
…I miss his sarcasm.
…I miss his laugh.
…I miss the times he would take time for fun.
…I miss his comfort during times of pain.
…I miss his presence.
…I just miss him.

(Brookfield Zoo 1978)

"The Lord cares deeply when His loved ones die." ~ Psalm 116:15 (NLT)

(Grandkids weekend 2006)

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." ~ Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

"When we all get to heaven, What a day of rejoicing that will be! When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!" My daughter, Andelise, (2-years-old) sings these lyrics and informs me that it is "Gaga's song". She is the only one that I don't have any pictures of with my dad because he had already gone to heaven. It makes me smile to think about heaven all the while tugging at my heart.

Friday Meditation

2011-02-25T08:33:00.003-06:00

"Christ carried our sins in his body on the cross so we would stop living for sin and start living for what is right. And you are healed because of his wounds." - 1 Peter 2:24

Will this ever end?

2011-02-22T07:04:00.012-06:00

As I watched my 8-year-old tie her gym shoes before school this morning, I remembered the days when I thought she would wear velcroe for life (this would have made her daddy proud). I thought about how I thought her 5-year-old sister would use me as her food source well past an acceptable age and wear pull-ups to high school. I'm proud to say that they are both drinking from cups and fully potty trained. I'm certain Jaycie will learn how to tie her shoes very soon just as Nikelle learned how to ride the bike I never thought she'd master. So, last night as I listened to my 2 1/2-year-old cry at me all night, I had to remember that I went through the same battle with her sisters (maybe not at this age) and they both learned to consistently sleep through the night.

After my mom kindly took the girls overnight last night, she suggested that Andelise has possibly just formed a habit of needing me in the middle of the night. She also asked me a great question as to whether or not there was anything I really did that helped my daughter when she cried for me. The answer is no. Other than both of us losing sleep together. This is why I decided I was not going to get up every time this little girl yelled my name.

Believe me, as I watched the minutes blink up on my digital clock, I wondered if this was a mistake. I listened to my little conartist come up with every excuse possible. "Mommy!" "My back hurts. I need a bandaid for my back." "My foot hurts." "I want juice. I not like water." "I want my Daddy." "My belly hurts." "I scared." "I can't see." It went on and on. I'd get a little bit of sleep here and there when she'd fall asleep because she forgot that she was attempting to coerce me into her room but... Wow! That girl knows how to manipulate! And to think she has months to go before she turns 3!

As I sit here this morning wondering how I am going to make it through the day (thank God for nap time!), I realize that I must face battles for the better good. She needs to sleep through the night. It is in her best interest (she'll be healthier and happier) and it is in my best interest (years of interrupted sleep really begin to take a toll) and it is most certainly in my family's best interest (us girls who don't get solid sleep seem to be the meanest and angriest).

It also makes me think about other things I need to actually endure some seemingly bad moments to achieve the good (saying no to dessert or enduring the pain of exercise). Yep, sometimes we have to work through the pain to get to the desired result. And we'll be better for it.

I hear a happy baby talking in her room right now. (Technically, I suppose she is no longer a baby but until she sleeps through the night and gets out of diapers, I think we'll continue to call her that. I certainly hope we no longer face this battle when she's entering high school.) "Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:4)

The Word "Love"

2011-02-15T19:06:00.009-06:00

February is a month set aside to celebrate love. What picture comes to your mind when you think of the world “love”?

It seems as though my children have been sick since the beginning of the New Year. In reality, we’ve enjoyed many days of good health. Still, I find myself throwing a pity party very often and longing for time to myself. As I nurse my children from one ailment to the next, I can’t help but think of my own childhood and the way my mother was always there when I was feeling under the weather. I think of the way she sacrificed herself and went above and beyond to help me feel better. This was one of her many expressions of love for me. When my heart aches for the pain my children are experiencing, I realize that my own mother must have had the same experience as she kissed my burning forehead or held my hair back as I hugged the toilet bowl. Mothers have a way of instinctively knowing how to show love to their children.

When I think of the word love, my mom always comes to mind. While February is full of celebrations, it is also a reminder to me of some very difficult days: the final days of my dad’s battle with cancer. Remembering those days reminds me of love. While “love” reminds me of my mom because of all of her expressions offered in my childhood, it was more blatantly demonstrated in that final year of my dad’s life.

“Love” is the sacrificial way she cared for my Dad. It is the picture in my mind of her sitting near him fighting back her emotions and singing hymns, as she held my Daddy’s hand and waited for him to join His Savior. She was able to give me this example of love because she was in constant communication with God and “God is love.” (1 John 4:8)

My mom is a servant. She knows God’s desire for her life and she lives it out. The fact is that I’m not very good at being a servant. Sacrifice does not come naturally for me. It would benefit me greatly to be more intentional in remembering my mom’s example as I live out my life. For ultimately, it will remind me of the sacrifice God made through His Son. “This is real love – not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:10)

What picture comes to mind when you think of the word “love”?

Empowered

2011-02-12T06:16:00.028-06:00

It was beginning to feel like this year would be designated towards nursing sick children back to good health. I realize it's only the 12th of February, and there have been healthy days more often than not, but our "home" has felt more like an infirmary than sanctuary to me these past weeks.

It didn't matter how much perspective I attempted to gain yesterday. I tried to remind myself about parents caring for children with long-term illnesses, those who long for the opportunity to care for a child they can call their own, or those who ache for moments past of rocking their child in their ams once again. I simply could not snap out of my destructive mindset. The bottom line was that I was spent and I needed a break.

This morning I woke up to a cry from my 2-year-old (I suppose 4 a.m. on a Saturday is technically still the middle of the night for most). After realizing she must have fallen quickly back asleep, my mind could not rest. I tip-toed into her room and brush her forehead to calm my worries. Content that her temperature seemed normal and hearing her breathing, I crawled back into bed hoping for a couple more hours of sleep. Sleep would not come.

I decided to get up and make the most of whatever uninterrupted time that I had to read. Uninterrupted time was something it seemed the flu bug in my children was aiming to take away from me (along with my energy, my joyful spirit and my sleep). I was going to make the most of this time.

Opening Lysa Terkeurst's book, Made to Crave, I read about how I could "satisfy my deepest desires with God, not food." At the same time, I was reminded of so much more as she talked about God's power in raising Christ from the dead. Ephesians 1:19-20 states "That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly realms." I can connect with that. Giving life, especially when that life has ended, is something only our God can do.

What energized me this morning was the reminder that as Christians, we are given the Holy Spirit to enable us with this same power. While I'm not saying that we can raise people from the dead, we are told that this very power that raised Christ from the dead is available to help us. "And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus fromthe dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you." (Romans 8:11)

While Lysa is reminding me that I have power to say no to the temptation of food, she is also reminding me that I can access this power for everything. When I feel beyond exhausted, short-fused, discouraged and defeated, I need to know that God can give me strength, patience, hope and victory.

It reminds me of the song we've been singing in church: Our God by Chris Tomlin. The song is full of repetative truth. Every time we sing it in church (which feels a bit more powerful than listening to it on You Tube), I leave enabled to take on the day!

I'm learning that the way to overcome my destructive thoughts is to fill my mind with truth. "So what should we say about this? If God is for us, no one can defeat us." Romans 8:31

God = Rest and Refreshment

2011-02-08T09:52:00.010-06:00

If you are looking for a good devotional book, I highly recommend Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. The book's back cover entices with the message that "Each day is written as if Jesus Himself were speaking to you." Each time I open the book, I find a message that speaks straight to my heart.

Here's what I read today from yesterday's devotion:
"Come to me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you, you are bone-weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life."

"Why am I so sad? Why am I upset? I should put my hope in God and keep praising Him, my Savior and my God." - Psalm 42:11 (NCV)

NO!

2011-01-29T07:15:00.006-06:00

“N-O!” They are just two little letters that make up a word which pack a very big punch. I hear it from my two-year-old way too often. I use them when the requests of me are just not convenient. And I’m learning to say them when something is presented to me, while in and of itself may be a good choice, but in consideration of the big picture, is not the best choice for my life.

My hope for 2011 is that life will become richer because of this little word, “no”. While I have spoken this word to myself when contemplating exercise or healthy eating, I need to speak it more often when it comes to instant gratification and moments of laziness instead. When I want to say these two little letters to my girls’ requests for playtime because I am busy doing whatever it is I am doing, I need to take more moments like yesterday where I sit and watch their dance “performance” of 10 songs with their girlfriend. And at those moments where I say “no” to my husband because I am too tired, I need to remember that if I used this word more often on the requests of others, he might not have to hear it quite as often.

I am in pursuit of learning this year the empowerment that comes from using the word “no”. Not in the moments it flows naturally off my tongue but more so in the moments where I’d quickly say “yes”. I need to take the time to consider my entire calendar and my family. Taking the time to stop and ask if this is a moment where “no” would be appropriate will probably leave me more fulfilled and less frazzled.

“N-O!” are two powerful little letters when they combine to make a word. Have you considered your use of them lately? Do you need to reprogram your mind and responses with me?

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial. Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others.” – 1 Corinthians 10:23-24

Our Trip to "The Castle"

2011-01-26T10:51:00.048-06:00

There was nothing but excitement from my girls and husband as we prepared for our trip to "the castle" this past weekend. Rod's aunt, uncle and cousins have been going to Stronghold Castle in Oregon, Illinois for the past 30 years or so with their church. Although Rod has not attended in the almost 15 years that we've been married, he went often from the age he turned 12 until our wedding. Nothing but fond memories surround this vacation for my husband.

His aunt and uncle invited us to the castle this year as their treat. Ater making arrangements to leave our two-year-old at home with our moms, we agreed to go. Nikelle and Jaycie could not get to the castle soon enough. Question upon question was asked about what to expect at the castle and my standard answer was, "I've never been there. I'll find out with you when we get there." While my family was filled with anticipation, I was filled with intrepidation. While I can blame my anxiety on the fact that Jaycie's behavior is unpredictable in crowds it really boils down to the fact that I didn't know what to expect from this weekend. I am a control freak and the only control I have of the unknown is to never venture into it.

I should learn by now that my fears of the unknown will quickly dissipate if I simply jump right in. While Jaycie did have her moments of clinginess while we were away, most of the time, she made herself at home with her cousins and explored the castle.

This staircase was in "the tower" of the castle. While I found myself weak in the knees and followed my husband's example of clinging to the wall as we walked, Jaycie went up and down the stairs without a worry. She even asked Rod to take her again later.

Here is Jaycie looking out the window at the top of the tower. This other picture shows you her lack of fear in the environment in the castle.

Nikelle's favorite part of the castle was the secret passaeway. While I forgot to take a picture of how the magic works, this is the room it leads to. Nikelle enjoyed teaching her sister and cousins in this little sanctuary.

It was a restful weekend where we spent time with family and their church family and enjoyed a peaceful time away from the rat race. We played games, read books and had time for fellowship.

We were also able to make some memories in the snow.

There was a hill that was long but not too steep which made for some great sledding. It will be fun to make this a family tradition.

I can't recall a time with Rod's aunt, uncle and cousins that wasn't filled with fun memories. I have no idea why I was so hesitant to jump in on the fun but I'm so glad we did!

Responding to Yesterday

2011-01-25T07:00:00.003-06:00

"Yesteday you can't alter, but your reaction to yesterday you can. The past you cannot change, but your response to the past you can."

~ Max Lucado, When God Whispers Your Name

Who should I be?

2011-01-12T09:24:00.023-06:00

I disagree that I need to look like the skinny, airbrushed models in the magazines. I do not believe that striving for achievement, fame and fortune is the path to success. Education does NOT matter more than character in my book. I hate hearing how I am supposedly intolerant, unloving and closed-minded. I'm tired of being yelled at that I need to not only accept sin but embrace it.

Aiming to be healthy is important. What is in my heart should be what makes me beautiful on the outside. I am to become a servant because afterall, that is the example Jesus set for us. Learning is important but without the wisdom to apply it, those smarts are fleeting. Character means more than the amount of facts I can hold in my brain. God tells me that I am to love through His example as He is the definition of love. True love wants one's best and doesn't require altering the owner's manual. I am to be open-minded and tolerant by God's standards (not by my own and not by some predetermined set of standards from Oprah, The View or Hollywood).

It can be exhausting at times to use God's filter for my thoughts. Still, I know I need to turn off the television and be careful of what I read and listen to. What enters my mind will shape and mold the life I live. Do my thoughts and beliefs really line up with God's? Or have I simply given in to the media and decided that God's best for me doesn't really make a whole lot of sense?

I cannot determine what is best for my life by my own standards. I have a Creator and He knows best how His design operates. Just because someone shouts louder, it does not make them right. God allows me the freedom to embrace His truths or not. This is love. I can choose to take the easier path and go with what my own predetermined standards of right and wrong or I can choose the narrow road that God sets before me because it will take me to the perfect destination.

We are doing a study at church of John Ortberg's book, The Me I Want to Be. In it, he reminds us that "There is a God. It is not you." That is likely the biggest struggle. I want to be God's best version of me. That's the me I want to be.

Solitude

2011-01-12T06:35:00.001-06:00

I've always considered myself an extrovert. I like being with people. Conversations that matter energize me. I like to talk with people about God, marriage, friendships, and life in general.

This year, more than ever, though, I find myself craving solitude. My husband said it's because right now it is such a lifeline for me. It is one of those commodities in life I am not afforded very often and therefore I am left craving more. I think he has a valid point there but I also think it is more than that. I think God is telling me that I need solitude in order to become more of the person He designed me to be. I think He is whispering to me the importance of quieting my mind and my life and taking the time to listen for His voice. I'm not the best listener in the world. I often find myself thinking about what I will say next rather than listening to words that are being spoken to me.

This year, I want to hear God more. I want to become a better listener and I believe an action toward that goal is to find solitude and quiet. That's my goal anyway.

New endings

2011-01-11T15:51:00.012-06:00

I'm always looking for a clean slate. A fresh start that allows me to begin without any mistakes. That's why I like Mondays. It always seems like a new week will help me achieve the goals and desires I have for myself. The problem is that I quickly muck it up.

The new year always gives us the opportunity to wipe the board clean. When my children came down with the stomach flu and all I could do was operate in survival mode as 2011 greeted us, my dreams for healthy eating and exercise suddenly slipped through my fingers. (I didn't even have the opportunity to shed a few pounds through hugging the toilet bowl myself.) So much for New Year's Resolutions -even though I didn't really make any.

I'm so good at excuses. I don't make any changes because I want perfection. That lasts for a minute (if I'm lucky) until I find myself wanting a new beginning again.

I liked this quote from my Weight Watchers meeting last night:

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” —Maria Robinson, health educator

I alone am responsible for my choices. I may not be able to undo yesterday or even the last hour but I can change tomorrow. I've been told monitoring my thoughts will help greatly with my endeavors. I'll start there.

I

Satisfied with God

2010-12-30T08:44:00.008-06:00

Lysa TerKeurst of Proverbs 31 Ministries has written Made to Crave: Satisfying your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food. You can read about it here or go to her blog www.lysaterkeurst.com.

With God speaking to my heart this year on Psalm 63:5 "You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy.", this book sounds like it will speak straight to my heart.

In over my head

2010-12-29T15:29:00.005-06:00

"When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end -- Because I am God, your personal God." (Isaiah 43:2-3a THE MESSAGE)

My Dad and Christmas

2010-12-23T23:25:00.006-06:00

I really have a difficult time separating my dad and Christmas. He loved Christmastime. It was truly the time of year he designated for family and he made the most of it. While many will not understand most of these memories, this poem that my mom wrote brought me to tears.

Memories of Father

In our home it seemed "father" made Christmas!
He purchased our huge Christmas tree.
Our decorations went up once his turkey went down!
Holiday videos would take two months to see!

Gifts were given for his Christmas Village.
Three Brittanys were gifts on his part.
He was Santa with candy for grandkids
Cedar Point and "The Farm" showed his heart.

Shiny garland he changed to look natural.
Chi-Chis and Shakeys made eating-out great!
But putting cash into new Christmas wallets?
Now... that was more than "Santa" could take!

He made our wooden stable so the grandkids
Could use the manger to do the Christmas play.
And "Come On Ring Those Bells" was the music
We'd hear first thing on Christmas Day.

Our dad knew the "True Father" of Christmas.
He trusted God's One and Only Son
As Forgiver, Comforter, Listener, Friend
Then his walk through this valley was done.

It's God our Father who truly made Christmas.
He made heaven and earth and each One.
God sent forgiveness and love in a manger
And one day... again, He will come!

"Wherefore, Comfort one another with these words..."

We enjoy reminiscing about how "Santa" gave us wallets one Christmas and mom came around telling each of us that we would find cash in the wallets and we were not able to keep the cash. Dad was about to have a heart attack about the amount of money spent by "Santa" that Christmas and he didn’t even know about the cash that was put in the wallets.

While I struggle with separating dad from Christmas, I truly treasure how special he made the holiday. After 3 years, I still miss my dad so much that my heart twists. And yet, I know there is so much more to live for. Hoping you have a very Merry Christmas!

A Social Network Christmas

2010-12-19T20:08:00.001-06:00

This was played at church this morning. I loved the way it was told in today's Facebook fashion. The Christmas story has really grabbed a hold of my heart this year once again. Mainly, the way Mary and Joseph were judged and shunned and the fact that if I were there in that day, I probably would have been in the group judging and shunning them. Which is sad. God does not always work the way we believe he should. As my Pastor stated this morning, "The God whose mind and hands created the earth came to earth with the mind and hands of a human baby." Truly amazing. And He did it out of His love for you and me. Take a minute to hear the Christmas story in a new way.

Be Encouraged

2010-12-16T22:31:00.007-06:00

This past weekend, we had the opportunity to view the newest of the Narnia movies, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. While there was much to enjoy about the movie, one part of the storyline, in particular, stood out to me. Lucy desires to be beautiful. As most females in the human race, Lucy does not see herself for who she is but longs to be someone else. I can totally relate to this feeling. I am always wishing and hoping for something. I cannot tell you the amount of times I look at someone else’s life and feel like less than my best because I find myself desiring part of their life. Whether it is something about their appearance I wish I could change about my own or I dream about having the talents God has given them or even find myself coveting one of the characteristics they portray, I find myself not so content with who I am.

When it comes to our self-worth, I think all women could use a bit of encouragement. The truth is that we all have our secret pains and feelings of loneliness and unacceptance. We all have those moments where we feel lost and alone in this great big world and our hearts cry out for just one friend who can make us feel important and desired and needed.

We all know Christmas is Jesus’ birthday. Christmas is our constant reminder that we always have at least one person who is on our side. It’s a good reminder that Christ came into the world for me. Christ came into the world for you. The whole reason for Christmas was God’s love for us.

But do you really have any idea just how often God thinks about you? And not just thinks about you but loves you and cares for you, knows you and desires you? I found over 60 verses that shout our value in God. This Christmas, my desire is that you will know your worth to God. Every time you hear the Christmas story of how God came to earth as a baby, remember that He did that for you.

Another phrase from the Narnia movie was "extraordinary things happen to extraordinary people". You are extraordinary to God.

BE ENCOURAGED
by Tristi N. Carlson 12/11/2010

God knew all about you
before you were even born
It was in His very image
that you were molded and formed

Wonderfully complex you were knit
and woven together with His care
And on your very head he knows
the number of each and every little hair

He loved you first; He wants you;
you are chosen precious in His sight
You are His masterpiece; His heir;
His dear child in whom He delights

He knows the secrets of your heart
Has good plans for you and sets you apart

He knows your every thought
and you bring Him great pleasure still
God bought you with a price at Calvary;
He sees you as valuable

United with Christ we’ve been made righteous;
God places His hand of blessing on your head
We’ve been set free; made right with God;
when for our benefit Christ was raised from the dead

You are now a new creation;
no longer slave but friend
God’s love for you is amazing;
inseparable and without end

In Christ, you’ve been made pure and holy;
blameless and complete
He’s given you a spirit of power and love
to help you live without defeat

You were adopted into His family
and He made your heart His home
You are a citizen of His kingdom
and He’ll never leave you alone

As a bridegroom rejoices over His bride
your God rejoices over you
You are God’s holy temple; His residence;
He is with you in all that you do

God understands you fully;
He offers unfailing love and faithfulness
He hears your every little sigh
and wants to give you comfort, peace and rest

When life gets overwhelming,
remember Christ pleads for us at God’s right hand
Be encouraged in knowing God’s thoughts about you
outnumber all the grains of sand

(Psalm 139:17; Psalm 139:1-6; Psalm 139:13-16; Psalm 147:11; Romans 5:19; Romans 6:6-7, 14, 22; Romans 8:2; Romans 8:16; Romans 8:17; Romans 8:31,34-35, 38-39; Romans 8:37; 1 Corinthians 1:2,30; 1 Corinthians 3:16-17; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20; Psalm 33:15; 2 Corinthians 1:22; Psalm 44:21; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 3:26; Galatians 4:6-7; Ephesians 1:11; Galatians 5:1; Ephesians 1:4; Ephesians 1:5; Ephesians 2:10; Ephesians 2:19; Philippians 1:27; Philippians 3:20; Ephesians 2:21; Ephesians 3:17; Isaiah 46:3-4; Isaiah 51:12; Ephesians 5:1; Colossians 1:22; Colossians 2:14; 2 Timothy 1:7; 1 Peter 2:10; 1 John 3:1; 1 John 5:1; 1 John 5:4; John 15:15; John 15:12-13; Isaiah 62:5; Zephaniah 3:17; Jeremiah 1:5; Psalm 22:9-10; Jeremiah 29:11; Genesis 1:27; Matthew 6:25-27; Matthew 12:9-12; Luke 12:6-7; Matthew 6:28-30; Luke 12:22-28; Proverbs 3:12; Matthew 10:29-31; Matthew 11:28-30; John 14:27-28; Psalm 38:9; John 3:16-17; John 10:11; John 10:14, 27-28; Psalm 117:2; John 14:1-4; John 15:16; Colossians 2:10)

11 days until Christmas

2010-12-14T06:21:00.003-06:00

11 day left until Christmas and I’m not even looking at Christmas yet. I’m caught up in Christmas plays, cookie exchanges, and play dates. I still have shopping to do, birthday parties to attend and a house to clean. I was doing good for a while just being and enjoying this season until this week. This week has left me feeling stress and that is not the way Christmas is supposed to be. I remember this feeling last year and the year before that and the year before that. I wrote this last year for the cookie exchange I hosted and it’s a good reminder for me again today.

FIT HIM IN

The decorations need to go up
There are presents still to buy
More gifts are waiting to be wrapped
And the bows each need to be tied
Pictures need to be taken
Letters wait for me to share
Envelopes still need to be addressed
And Jesus asks me to fit Him in somewhere

The Christmas story should be read
The advent wreath is lit
The Christmas play we must attend
And the school party I’ll attempt to fit
Thank you gifts for teachers
Christmas classics we long to see
Menus wait to be planned
Emotions of Christmases past grab me

There are church services to attend
Extended family I wish to see
Parties need coordinating
I hear of a family who is in need
My mind continues to mull over my list
Another good cause begs me to share
Cookies are in need of baking
And Jesus asks me to fit Him in somewhere

Weekly responsibilities still beckon
Work, school, homework and such
Math facts, reading, stories to write
There’s just so very much
The kids all still need bathing
Their little bellies still need to be fed
There are diapers that are in need of changing
And that Christmas story still needs to be read
The house is in need of a vacuum
Dishes mount up and I begin not to care
Laundry is still not done
And Jesus asks me to fit Him in somewhere

The dog is asking to go out
The ground has a coating of snow
My children will be begging to play
In the yard they will want to go
My husband’s eyes have that twinkle
I need to fit in some time with my friends
Exercise is in the back of my mind
Will these demands on me never end?

I should probably wash the windows
And the carpet, hallway, and kitchen floor
I still need to wrap presents and bake cookies
And yet everyone is asking me for more
People are pulling from every which way
Responsibilities are too much to bear
I go to bed praying, I can’t do it alone
And Jesus asks me to fit Him in somewhere

I wake up in the morning to the cry of my child
And thank God when she goes back to sleep
I remember I can’t get through the day without Jesus
I open my Bible with the prayer journal I keep

The Book of Luke tells me of the way
Christ Jesus came to earth
My heart is filled as I read the story
Of the angels announcing our Savior’s birth
The inn was too full for the gift
that came to Bethlehem that night
There was hustle and bustle from the census
As the shepherds out in the fields were filled with holy fright
I wonder if I would have missed it
if I were there back then
Would I have been too concerned with responsibilities
Or watching and waiting as the shepherds had been?

I need to be intentional
if I’m going to include Jesus in my day
I need to remember that Christmas is Jesus
And take the time to spend listening to Him and pray
Many of these things on my task list are a good and necessary part
It’s just none of them do quite as much
as hiding God’s Word deep inside my heart

I must not forget about Jesus
as I go from here to there
I must remember it’s all about Jesus
and find ways to fit Him in everywhere.

- Tristi Nikelle Carlson
12/11/09

Nativity Craft

2010-12-10T13:10:00.005-06:00

I don't get too excited about the projects that come home from school. I like to see it rarely finds a permanent place in our home. Jaycie's preschool did a craft that I am ecstatic about! This nativity scene will be something I look forward to pulling out each year. I think it will be our 4th nativity. I love having nativities for the girls to play with. I'm just hoping Andelise doesn't destroy it before we pack it away for the year!

Free to Be

2010-12-09T09:41:00.010-06:00

I had just been talking to God about my dislike of myself. I asked God to help me view myself through His eyes instead of my own. I want to stop beating myself up over every little imperfection; every little stain that I see. Instead, I want to see myself through the truth God shouts about me. This was a great reminder that God desires to set me free from the bondage I create for myself. I am free to be myself despite my fears of other’s opinions. Christ’s opinion is what matters and he nailed it on the cross for all to see.

That morning, I read this at (In)courage. Great insight!

Hearts at Home 2011

2010-12-07T07:34:00.011-06:00

Registration is now open for the Hearts at Home National Conference in Normal, Illinois the weekend of March 11-12, 2011! Better yet, Jill Savage is giving away free conference registrations on her blog!! Check out the new Hearts at Home website here. My life is more purposeful and intentional because of the ministry of Hearts at Home and Jill Savage. I am most definitely going to The National Conference. If I don't win, it would be fun if someone I knew did!

Snow, snow, snow, snow, snow

2010-12-05T07:14:00.014-06:00

The first snowfall of the season had my girls bouncing down the stairs, jumping up and down at the window asking at first light to get bundled up, go outside, and play.

Our kids with Pup (who loves playing in the snow just as much as they do).

Jaycie made snow angels.

Andelise found a new treat.

Nikelle wanted to build a snowman. (I said Ande found a new treat, right?)

All three wanted hot chocolate with marshmallows.

And although the snow fort Nikelle started with her daddy never did get completed...

the walls were still standing last night (and while the wall is closer to the ground this morning, it still stands).

I am so thankful to God that the first snowfall came on a Saturday when Rod was home and we could really get out and enjoy it!

That's not Fair!

2010-12-01T07:13:00.009-06:00

Another great post over at Gitzen Girl today inspired by Matthew 20. Great insight about how we think life is fair until we start playing the comparison game.

I really needed this today as I'm asking God to transform me. She finishes with "Faith isn't a feeling. It's believing despite our feelings. And I do." So very true. Thanks for the reminder!

Thankful Tidbits: Support System 11-30

2010-11-30T06:17:00.004-06:00

"You are only as good as the people you surround yourself with." The quote goes something like that, doesn't it? I'm thankful to have a marriage that has lasted over 14 years so far. I am thankful to have three beautiful children who people don't mind being around. I'm thankful for my God, my family, my church and my friends.

I used to think I knew what it took to have a good marriage. Then I got married. I used to think I knew how to be the best parent. Until I had kids. I always know how to do things better than everyone else until I start walking down that path. The truth is, I don't know how to do anything. The wonderful ideas I come up with more often than not originate someplace else. I am thankful for my support system. Without God, family, friends and community, I would be lost.

It is because I always have someone walking with me that I have so much to be thankful for.

Thankful Tidbits: 11-29

2010-11-29T15:33:00.004-06:00

It is so easy to get into the comparison game. Too often, I find myself determining my happiness based off of a changing factor (whehter or not the scale goes down; what kind of total is in the bank account; how many friends I've heard from in the day).

Today I am thankful that true joy comes from a constant source that is unchanging. Happiness and joy are different and while my circumstances may determine my happiness, I can experience joy in all circumstances.