Thursday, March 20, 2014

Love Your Now

(Today is the Third Thursday of the month. Time for the Hearts at Home Home Blog Hop! This month's topic: Love Your Now. Head over to Jill's blog to see what other women have to say on the topic.)
“This too shall pass…”

“If I can just hang on long enough…”

“It won’t last forever…”

“Seasons come and seasons go…”

“To everything there is a season…”

I’m holding my breath until we get through this phase. Searching for a light at the end of the tunnel, I try to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Once we reach this finish line, I believe we’ll find some rest. There has to be better things on the other side. Until, of course, the other side reveals it is just another season with its own trials and temptations waiting to happen.

It’s the holding pattern we’ve been living in. Work has made it next to impossible to plan anything social in our lives. I like to look at the week in front of us and know what to expect. Unfortunately, the deadlines my husband has been under at work leaves me uncertain of not only our long term future but the very next moment as well. Will he be home for dinner? Will I have help transporting the kids to activities? What are the chances he will have to be in another state tomorrow? How can we continue to live life like this?

Some of my friends flip to the ending of a book first to know if it is worth their time to read its entirety. I can’t imagine doing that until a season of life has me wanting to fast forward to the end. If I can just see the finish line… If I only knew the course and the distance left in front of me… I can usually pace myself to finish the race if I know what I’m up against.

The other night I spent some time alone with my grandparents. He sits in a wheelchair, his body crippled by age and disease. Unable to get his arm to respond to his brain’s command, I watch it slowly fall through the arm of the chair. She sits by his side. Noticing his arm fall, she holds his disfigured hand and tucks it under his lap blanket so it will stay where it should. More times than I can count, she informs me “He is 90-years-old now.” We just celebrated his birthday so I know. “He’s the only one who has made it to that age.” My heart aches as I watch these pillars of my life fade away. His body fails him. Her mind wrestles with her world. All he wants is to have his body strong and able again. She wants to tell her stories without struggle to remember. I want to have an easy relationship with my grandparents where they know me fully. But all our wanting is just that.

I’ve been wishing away seasons for 36 years now. Praying God will give us the strength to get through. Sometimes it feels like that is all we can do. Pray and cling on for dear hope. It’s just that I realize we can’t ever count on tomorrow. Death can steal tomorrow early like it did with my dad. Moments like those knock at my heart’s door. When a phone call from a doctor leaves us wondering if tomorrow will be… all we want is yesterday back.

It’s not a good mental place to always be wishing for the good ol’ days. And racing towards tomorrow leaves us missing the moments we should be embracing today. We were never promised to see the course route ahead of time. God just told us to run the race well. 

If I live until I am 90, will I be able to be content with the race I’ve run? I don’t want to live in a world of regrets. It’s time to embrace today. Give thanks for the gifts each moment brings. When I understand that the season I’m wishing away is shaping the future me, maybe I can stop and appreciate the molding process. An artist working is still beautiful even before the final product is revealed. There is much to appreciate along the race course besides the finish line itself.

It’s time for me to love my now. I’m called to live in the present. One thing is for certain. Even if today feels like more than I can handle… through it all, I have God by my side. He sees the future and I can trust that He is faithful to complete the work He began in me.

I can celebrate the way my 5-year-old shares every thought in her head especially because I wish my 11-year-old would tell me more. When my 8-year-old puts a silly mustache on her face to greet us in the morning, I hope I will remember to cherish the moments that will soon fade away. There is a certain gratitude for the self-sufficiency my pre-teen has when my preschooler still asks for help to wipe. (Just as I typed this I realized she hasn’t asked for this in quite a few days!) Although my husband is working many exhausting hours, God has provided gift after gift through this season. Our eyes need to be open to the gifts of today. We are far from ever being in want and abundance is something to be thankful for even when the daily tasks at hand overwhelm me. Yes, this is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!

How do you find ways to love your now?

2 comments:

  1. That contrast between the little ones and those at the end of their life IS a reminder for us to think a bit more about our "now." Praying for a thankful heart is all we can do sometimes when the what-ifs overwhelm. Thanks for opening your heart like this. :)

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  2. I can love my now because of God's Word. Psalm 139 "O Lord You have searched me and known me" when I'm feeling self-sufficient singing 'Happy,happy,happy,Fun,fun,fun' and when my eyes close,my forehead scrunches, and I wander alone in circles not knowing how to continue on? "You know my sitting down"... those times when in my strength I can't get up, don't know how to or where to go "and my rising up" when you hold my hand and put me on the path that you still have on this earth for me. "You understand... ... You know... You are acquainted... If I ascend...You are there...If I descend...even there your hand shall lead me... hold me...the darkness and the light are both alike to You...When I awake I am still with You."

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