Incompatibility

My husband and I have decided that we are totally incompatible. When we really think about it, we wonder what it was that actually brought us together. The world would have told us that we wouldn't make it. Actually, many people didn't think it was a good idea for us to get married. After all, I was only 18.

So, what is it that has kept us together? I mean really... he is the total definition of a geek (and proud of it). (For Rod's birthday I had a lapse of judgment and bought him his long-coveted velcro shoes. It's not bad enough that he's seven years older than me. Now he reminds me of his grandpa!) I may not be Ms. Popularity, but I was able to at least hang with the popular crowd at times. He enjoys the history channel and science fiction. I enjoy a good romance and a lot of reality. Rod is a task-oriented person. He has to be intentional to think about the relationships involved. I am relationship oriented. If there is a relationship to focus on, the task on hand can wait. Give Rod a quiet evening at home and he'll thrive. Give me a group of friends to have quality time with and my tank is full. He could stay up all night while I'm an early to bed early to rise person. So, why exactly are we together?

Here's one thing I know. When I was dating Rod, I remember that we could talk about anything for long periods of time. We had fun doing whatever it was that we were doing. Rod is so light-hearted that he knows how to enjoy the moment. And it's always good clean fun. Of course, now he attempts to have fun and I just give him an evil glare. And if he really pushes it, watch out - there's a schedule to be kept and someone has to be the responsible one (that would be me).

The main thing that attracted me to Rod and still makes my heart overflow with love for him after all these years is that He is a man who loves God and desires to live his life according to God's rules. He puts God first. I'm second on the list and the girls follow in line. He also knows people are important and steps out of his comfort zone to form relationships. I have never known a man to desire to live for God more. I am totally turned on by this man who's heart is after God.

My husband and I are a good team. He knows me and loves me despite my flaws, he encourages to be myself and become more of the person God desires me to be. He and I are in agreement on the big things and we are one when it comes to raising the kids. Where he has flaws, I have strengths. Where I am lacking, he completes me. We fill each others gaps.

There's history built over 13 plus years that can never be traded in. I love that he is willing to work through our problems. He doesn't pretend they don't exist and in the beginning of our marriage when I was overly selfish and immature, he loved me despite it all and begged to God for the change we desperately needed.

There is so much I could say about my husband but it all ends in this: God gave me a gift and I am forever grateful. I could have never dreamed life would be what it is today simply because I married this man.

Lord, thank you for my husband. Thank you for the life we share together and the three little girls you've created from the two of us. Thank you for the love you've built between us. I am so anxious to see what the future holds for us. Bless him for desiring to follow you. Thank you for knowing what I needed long before I ever did.

Rod, I love you and thank God for you constantly!

Thankful for the pain

When Rod and I were away for our marriage conference, we decided to take advantage of the time to ourselves and do a little shopping. I know that the world has been pushing Christmas ahead of Thanksgiving for quite some time now. Because of that, I have trained myself to just ignore the Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving. What I was not prepared for was the Christmas music in so many stores and what that would do to my heart.

There were a couple of times where we had to leave the specific store we were in because my heart could not take the twisting feeling the music left me with. The holidays hold such special memories for me. My dad took time to make them special and I suppose that I connect my dad with the holidays so much because that was were he really, intentionally, made time for our family. Although he was identified as a family man, he worked long, hard hours to provide for us. Christmas was different. I suppose that's why my heart has yet to figure out the holidays without him.

I found myself in tears numerous times throughout the conference we attended. At one point, the speaker spoke of a gift his daughter had given him. It was a picture of herself as a toddler where she wrote him a letter. This sounded exactly like something I would have given to my dad for one simple reason: It would have made him cry. That was always my sign of a good gift. His tears were thanks for me.

At the end of the conference, we were to renew our vows to one another. Looking into Rod's eyes, I was already teared up. All the talk of weddings had me remembering my own and the very dear memories I hold so dear from the part my dad played in it. I did my best to renew my vows but I simply could not get out the words "in sickness and in health" through my tears. (Rod says he's in trouble should he get sick. And really, it's better than in our actual wedding ceremony when I never repeated the words where I take him to be my wedded husband. The preacher had given Rod two words at a time to repeat and expected me just to repeat the entire paragraph! That's all besides the point.)

I've come to a conclusion on my feelings for the loss of my dad. No, that doesn't mean I'm done hurting. It simply means that I'm choosing to be grateful that my dad's life is one to be missed. Many people don't leave an impact on those they've left behind. I'm thankful my dad did.

Thank you, Lord, for the pain in my heart because I lost someone I loved who loved me.

Thankful intentions

There have been seasons of my life where I felt I pursued a lot of friendships. I would make phone calls, send letters, and find other ways to show my friends how much I desired their friendships. Oftentimes, I would be left frustrated that my pursuits were not acknowledged and I would assume that this meant that my friends did not desire the level of friendship I was interested in.

Today, I'm on the other end. I have a good amount of friends that are intentional in our friendship. They are the ones who place the phone call to me. I often find e-mails in my inbox just to let me know something specific and expressing thanks. Yesterday I received a card in the snail mail just letting me know my friend cared.

I'm frustrated with myself that I don't take the time for these little expressions anymore. I am constantly thinking about the fact that I should pick up the phone and arrange a get together. There are many many letters that I've written in my mind but never took the time to actually express to my friends through a letter or e-mail.

Lord, thank you for intentional friends. Thank you for the grace they offer me when I don't seem to return their friendship. Thank you that they understand this is just a season of my life. I'm struggling to find the balance and their friendships are more uplifting than they can possibly know. Bless my friends, Lord. Thank you so much for each one.

Thanks for smiles

Everyone has days where they just simply don't feel like smiling. Bad things happen in this life and it can be hard to find a reason to smile. I remember a few times when I was younger, someone would tell me to smile or to "turn that frown upside down". Like life would all of a sudden be better simply because I smile. Sometimes life downright hurts and smiling is not natural.

Today I was remembering my dad and caught up in the emotion of it. I went to get Andelise out of her bed and she greeted me with a big smile. As I was smiling back at her, I thought about the power of a simple smile. It may not solve all of life's problems but it can certainly take my mind off of myself and move me out of my pity party if just simply for the moment.

Thank you, Lord, for the power of a simple smile. Thank you that my joy is not based on my circumstances. And thank you for the smiles given to me by others.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. - Nehemiah 8:10

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. - Psalm 28:7

Just spent

I feel spent. Reality set back in almost immediately when we got home Sunday night. Crying kids. Snotty noses. Full calendar. Lack of sleep. I am thankful that God is strong. I feel like crawling into a hole sometimes.

"We are glad whenever we are weak but You are strong; our prayer is for Your perfection." - 2 Corinthians 13:9